My coughs make my head hurt :(

Man, I am loving this "Behind Me Day" song from GoodTimeNation on my trusty TheatreRadio (okay, maybe not so trusty, as it often stops without warning and won't let me access it again for the rest of the day. But trusty in its selections, anyway).

Also, my defroster is one hard worker. This morning, my car was covered in two days' worth of snow and ice, and my car was clear well before either of the two other dudes, both of whom had begun de-icing before I even got outside. I jacked it up to high, brushed off the top layer of snow, and by the time I was finished scraping off the side windows, the back and front had big pieces of ice sliding off them. It was totally satisfying, and a better start than I imagined for a sickly day.

Enrique Iglesias was on "Today" this morning (in Miami, those bitches), and it was weird to me how he kept giving the mic to the audience to sing the next lyrics. I guess he got off on the fact that the audience knew the lyrics, but what's the point of a concert if the star performer isn't even singing? I don't go to concerts to hear the vocal stylings of Patti Dewhurst of Milwaukee who's visiting her Great Aunt Mabel for the weekend.

I give a lot of thought to negativity these days. I have been told my entire life that I'm a negative person, and it's starting to make me sad. I really do try not to focus so much on things I don't like, which is one of the reasons I try to list things daily on this forum that did go well about the day. And part of the reason I embraced the neg, in my younger days, was because I knew I was making people laugh when I said [things like] I wanted a pillow embroidered with "I remember every bad thing everyone has ever done to me," like the crotchety old maiden aunt in a memoir I once read. But I'm beginning to question everything--can these former critiquers give me a chance to change? Have I really changed, like I like to think I have, or am I doomed to forever be a pessimist? Because I really don't think I am. I really do believe the best of things and that people are generally innocent until proven otherwise--like, it was hard for me to believe O.J.Simpson really did it despite what I guess was obvious evidence. But with loved ones around me constantly teasing me about how difficult, impatient, and critical I am, how can I believe that I'm not that way anymore? Especially given that there are definitely grumpy days where everything really does tick me off and I revel in that feeling that everything sucks.

Maybe I've only partially changed. My positive side, perhaps, has flourished (particularly since Neil has come into my life), but that negative grouchy side still lurks under the happiness, coming out of its slumber every once in awhile to remind me that I'm still inherently a bitch.