Sunday, March 29, 2009

On a roll? Or just procrastinating and/or introspective?

"Change will only occur when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of the change itself."

I read this in a blog I follow called Bitch Cakes...spoken to her by her Weight Watchers leader.

I really liked it. I can apply it to so much in my life: clutter, money, work, weight loss.

All of which I'd love to change...I just....can't. Why can't I just do it? Why is change so hard? I get so excited about prospective change, and maybe I even stick with it for a little bit, but it never 'takes.' Only in a blue moon can I truly say "I've adopted this habit, and it's good for me, and I can't imagine life without this!"

I've done it with drinking lots of water every day, and finally with showering...

(there are two kinds of people: those who hate showering, and those who love it. Maybe there are those who just don't mind it; I don't know. I'm making judgments here, so bear with me. At any rate, I am firmly in the former category, which if you've forgotten since it's way up there is that I HATE IT. I hate wet hair, particularly when it's loose...I hate seeing my body in the mirror and wanting to change it...I hate the extra 20-30 minutes it takes out of my morning-sleeps...I hate the coldness of shutting off the water and having to step out, all shivery and wet...but I do it now, every other day without fail, and not just because I have a date with somebody cute. Because that's EVERY day!), that was a lengthy segue. What I'm trying to say is...I *have* done this. And while I still hate showering, and brushing my teeth when I reaaaaaalllly just want to drag myself to bed, and some days I have to stay up an extra ten minutes to finish up the day's drinking water, cursing it all the while because I'm not thirsty...I just know the habits are pretty well stuck.

And I also know from the past that I *can* get into exercising daily. That I can even enjoy and crave it. That I *can* successfully lose weight, feel fantastic at being able to fit into those cute jeans I hadn't been able to wear in months, and take pleasure in eating more healthily. That I *can* purge useless junk from my past and not regret it ever again. That I *can* eschew spending money in times of need and feel great about not falling back into spendthrift habits, and even pay off debt if I'm really good.

I just wish it wasn't so easy to slip back into the poorer habits just because I might treat myself every so often. I can be doing really awesome at a diet, or cleaning, or exercising, or not spending money...and then I say after a little while "I deserve a treat after all this monk-like living. Shakespeares sausage and pepperoni on wheat, just this once" ...but then, it is NEVER just this once. It is nothing, or it is ALL. And I hate to think I'll never solve all my problems always living in a 'nothing' world...with no cookie dough or frosted brownies or Barnes & Noble or Graceland gift shops or lazing on the couch without exercising or cleaning first.

What to do when uninspired...what to do, what to do...

I again find myself in a place where I want to write...but nothing's coming to me.

So, from PoliBlog, which is about Political Science, begging the question what the hell was *I* doing there...

I've never:

1. Seen a horror movie (unless you count "Sixth Sense." I don't.)

2. Owned an expensive purse (unless you count the Esprit & Liz Claiborne junior-high models)

3. Drunk a full serving of beer

4. Been to New Orleans, Boston, Toronto, Orlando, Egypt, or Trader Joe's (and I want to!)

5. Run a full mile (unless it was in summer gym many moons ago when we'd do it once a week and I got better and better at it. But I think I still walked for a bit of the last one.)

6. Been seriously injured (The thumb was inconvenient and painful, but not really a big deal)

7. Liked makeup, hair-doing, jewelry/accessories, designer duds, etc. the way girls are supposed to (but I don't consider myself a tomboy)

8. Been comfortable in the dark

9. Read Crime & Punishment, East of Eden, or A Tale of Two Cities all the way through.
I'm sorry, all you fantastic Honors English teachers! Clearly I didn't deserve to be in your classes...

10. Played a game of Balderdash. And I never want to.

Lately, I...

1. Brush my teeth every night before bed. Yee-haw!

2. Have really been pondering selfishness, in myself and others

3. Am wondering if I need to step it up a bit

4. Stop myself from thinking 'what would happen if things keep getting worse?' (in the world/economy/etc.)

5. Wish I didn't cry so easily

6. Am surprised at how little time I have to take control over my is slipping away every day, leaving messes and undone errands and obligations in its wake

7. Hope I am a good enough friend

8. Have been drinking my Recommended Daily Water Intake of at least eight 8-oz glasses

9. Have wild thoughts of de-cluttering every little thing I've hung onto over the years. I'm too sentimental!

10. Believe greener pastures are on the horizon.

That was kinda therapeutic!

And now for more of a fun, less thought-provoking one...

1.What is in the back of your car?
From memory: A big umbrella with Caillebot's Paris: A Rainy Day printed on it; a huge army-green cd-holder with rivets that I keep all my audiobooks in; two littler cd-cases, gray and purple, with Harry Potter 5 in them; two containers of Windex wipes (one is a generic brand); a big red ice-scraper/brush combo that looks tough but is surprisingly ineffective; a hook I hang on the back of the driver's seat to hold grocery bags. I think that's it.

2.What color is your toothbrush?
It's white with blue accents. And it's running low on batteries.

3.Name one person who made you smile today.
Neil, all groggy!

4.What were you doing at 8:00 AM?
Just getting up to an icky brightly-lit, melted-snow world.

5. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Looking at Memes, or doing the one up above this one.

6. What is your favorite candy?
Chocolate: Smarties from England (NOT those nasty-ass powdery things in plastic lame people hand out at Halloween)
Fruity: Chewy SweetTarts (apple...grape...cherry...and lemonade. I love them ALL. I never know which one to save for last.)

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"Thank you"...I think

8. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Vermonty Python. And I think it's being phased out. :(

9. What is the last thing you had to drink?
I'm drinking one mother of a thing of water right now. It's been Brita'ed.

10 What are you wearing right now?
Black boot-cut pants, a dark reddish-orange pullover v-neck, undies, socks that say "The Joy of Sox," and my Danskos are kicked off underneath my desk.

11. What is the last thing you ate?
A sugar-free Andes. Better than you'd think (though not the same as the real thing)

12. Have you bought any new clothes this week?
Yes, just last night.

13. When was the last time you ran?
Earlier this week, for like four seconds.

14. What was the last sporting event you watched?
With any interest--last night's exciting Elite Eight game, Mizzou vs. Connecticut. But Neil was watching the US-El Salvador soccer game after, so technically my eyes rested on that one last.

15. Ever go camping?
Have I ever? Sure. Mark Twain lake. (Now, 'would I ever again' is an entirely different question. Do you guys know what HORSEFLIES are???)

16. Do you have a tan?

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
We take Fiber Choice some nights before bed, and mine has a multivitamin in it.

18. Do you go to church?
No, no.

19. Do you like Chinese food more than pizza?
No, although I had some good noodles last night.

20. Do you drink your soda with a straw? out in a glass?
With a straw if it's in ice. In a glass when it's convenient.

21. Are you someone?s best friend?
I hope so, yes!

22. What are you doing tomorrow?
Mondays are my long work-day: Jeff City 7:15-5:45, then Stephens for three hours after. Not looking forward to it! I've actually started to count down how many Mondays I have left. They're fairly torturous.

23. Where is your dad?
Hm, I'd say at home working on something or other, but he may be at Home Depot or Lowe's or Gerbes or Schnucks. He's completely unpredictable!

24. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
I think so.

25. Do you have a maid service clean your home?
No, it was always weird having a housekeeper around. I felt guilty.

26. Do you have a favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Not really. I love my Keens, but they're lace-up and won't do when I want the freedom to slip on or off shoes. And I don't really like wearing socks, so flip-flops are next up. While I haven't yet found a pair I love above all else, I do have reasons for loving every pair I own.
It's a Catch-22 to have a favorite pair of shoes, because if you're wearing them all the time, they get worn out/grimy faster, so they can't be your favorites for very long.

27. What color is your car?
Cactus Pearl. NOT what I was expecting.

28. How do you like your popcorn?
I don't go out of my way to eat popcorn. If I must, though, it has to be flavored: cheesy, caramelly, peanut-buttery, etc.

29. How did you get your worst scar?
I have a scar somewhere on the back of my head from when I split open my head playing Mario Brothers, but I've never seen it. My second worst is a small white dot on my chest from the Pox.

30. Look to your left. What do you see?
Which way is expanse of fake-wood desk. My Sak purse. My orange baroque market tote on an ugly 70s orange wood/winyl padded chair. An office door leading to a long, dark hallway of books.

31. What color is your watch?
I don't wear a watch right now. I miss watches.

32. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Dame Edna. Hugh Jackman. The Bush. How that old dude on "Home and Away" (a horrid Aussie soap they show in London) always said "floymin'" as an adjective, like "You floymin' kids have no idea what you've gotten us into!" I assumed he was saying "flaming."

33. Do you use chap stick?
Generally multiple times a day.

34. Do you have a dog?
No, I wish. Every time I see a little dog flopping along the sidewalk I die a little inside.

35. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Neil? Yes, Neil.

36. Have you met anyone famous?
Kind of...I talked to Anthony Rapp in London after Rent, and I spoke to Edward Albee when I stage-managed his appearance at Jesse. And I had to converse with a SUPER UNPLEASANT Dave Attell when I worked his show. But I guess I've never been in a situation where someone says "Genny, this is my friend Steve Guttenberg." I DID get a message from Arye Gross on Facebook after I wrote him. Does that count? Probably not.

37. Any plans today?
I work late-ish today, til 6 or 7. After that, I really want to work up the energy to clean the house a bit. We'll see how that goes.

38. How many states have you lived in?
MO, IA, IL, NY....Four!

39. Do you dye your hair?
Not at the moment. But I have. Red is a surprising match for me. I may do it again sometime.

40. Do you like cats?
Uhm...I like kittens because they're cute and silly. But I'm, for one, severely allergic to cats, and two...they're so BITCHY. I can appreciate a pet who doesn't live for the moment their owner comes home, but come on, don't act like you're all BETTER than me.

Okay, I think it's time for some buckling-down. Happy Sunday, everybody!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A little bit of nothing.

I just finished a dee-LISH serving of Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi.

I remember when I was little, I could never finish a can of soda. Ever. I bet I was in my late teens before I could. So now, when I get those last few drops of my can of diet soda each morning, I feel totally proud. Like I FINALLY made it to the end!

I don't usually drink caffeine in the afternoon, but I forgot to have my standard morning pick-me-up today, as it was a super-busy day at work, and when I began to droop a half hour ago I thought "Hey! I didn't have one this morning, AND I get to sleep in tomorrow until 7:15! Bring on the stimulants!"

Tomorrow's a weird day: instead of Jeff City work, I have all-day training in this MOTHER of a depressing facility in Columbia. But, I don't mind it so much, because it's from 9-4:30 (with an hour for lunch)...and it's 15 minutes away, rather than 45, so I get to have a leisurely lay-in with my snuggiekins. And I get home an hour early...and even earlier if they're quick with the training packet. I hope I get a fast-talker! I will not deny, though, that the training itself will probably be dull as dishwater and drag on slower than a Friday afternoon usually does.

I worked out a plan today to fast-track snowball our debt plan. I'm so excited about it! It may mean a few lean months, but it will also mean paying off debts that make our months lean in the first place...and I don't expect to get too far within a few months, either. I know that'll take time. But the idea gets my brain all whirry and positive-thinking, and who can't use that every now and again?

What does "see you in the funny papers" mean? Literally, I mean. I could see how it *might* mean "see you in the morning paper, because the funnies are there" but it always confused me as a child, because there were only two days when we got a morning paper--Saturday and Sunday. The Trib's an evening edition, son! Why would Dad want me to not see him until around 4 PM, when the papers are usually delivered? I never knew.

I get so sad when pens run out. Even if I don't have any concrete attachment to them...maybe they're the one in my pen cup I always reach for because I know it's consistent black ink and it won't smear or get all on the side of my hand. Nothing fancy, just a Bic or a Papermate, minding its own business, but I've used it too much. It's my fault. And now it has to go.

*chuk* into the wastebasket.

I think there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who wish everything could be controlled by the mouse (or maybe they just don't care either way), and those who love a keyboard shortcut. I fall solidly in the latter category. I will hold down up to FOUR keys if it'll get me where I want to go. I thought, at one point, I'd never be able to remember all the shortcuts...because, of course, they're not universal. But for the cataloging module I use most, at both works, I find new ones all the time. And I am pleased as punch each time I do.

(P.S. Pleased as PUNCH? What is that?)

This is what I got when I Google-image searched "pleased as punch." It's weird.

The house looks like a glove and the tree looks like hair.

And please don't get me started on floating drop-down menus. I cannot stand those. By the time I've finally reached my destination, my mouse has moved just a little from the menu, and I have to start all over again. And I'm ticked, now, because I didn't like using my mouse in the first place. Our State Library website is all floating drop-downs. And since I'm still getting to know it, and it COMPLETELY SUCKS (nothing is intuitive to find, nothing!), I have to use the menu kind of often.

However, I only missed two letters on today's NYTX! With no help from Google or Rex, either! Thursdays are inevitably where I start giving in to IMDB and Wiki searches, but I sailed right on through it. Go me! (I see now it's been rated as an "Easy-Medium" by Rex, so that douses me with a little cold water. But I refuse to believe I am anything less than a damned GENIUS.)

(Okay, a genius who can't get past Thursday NYT crosswords.)

(And also who reads only chick-lit and YA novels.)

I'm reading "Lost and Found" now, which I thought was just going to be a silly take on "The Amazing Race" in quick-read form, but it's more interesting than that, so far. I am concurrently (though not at the same MOMENTS) listening to Harry Potter 5, by far my least favorite of the seven. Even Stephen Fry can't get me interested. I'm almost done; all that freaking MESS in the Department of Mysteries is over, and Dumbledore is telling Harry the truth about everything. Which really makes me sad. Because Harry's acting all jerky and mad and throwing things and yelling at poor sweet old Dumbledore, but really inside you know he's just crumbling and doesn't want to think about what just happened. So actually, this is a good part. But it was preceded by hours and HOURS of running around and stunning spells and weird tentacled brains and Bellatrix shrieking and rotating rooms and blue candles and smashing shelves and fluttering veils and Death Eaters and suddenly the Order comes but I don't know why or how or why they didn't come earlier, and I don't understand why we never knew Neville's birthday is the same as Harry's because Rowling seems to be all ABOUT hinting at future developments...and it was, frankly, torture to commute back and forth forcing myself to listen through all the confusion and stupidness...but I had to, and I know it'll get much, much, much better. I only ever read seven (as opposed to listening to it), and I only read it once, but I was breathless the whole time, and I can't wait to get to it again.

I was burned, a little, because four was SO good, and it seemed like it took her forEVER to release five, and it was so deliciously blue and huge and gorgeous, and everyone bought it the second it was released, and I was so impressed because I preordered it through months in advance for like ten bucks and whatever cheap shipping, and it arrived the MORNING of its release all pretty and new, and I read it immediately and...and...and....

It sucked.

So six came, and I was so much less excited. I was working at DBRL, and my co-worker sidled up to me as soon as it was pre-released in the catalog, so we could put our names on the reserve list and get a copy from the first batch that circulated. (By the time the day arrived, that list was hundreds and hundreds of names long--I think we got 30 or 40 copies, but most people had to wait awhile before reading it.) So I didn't even purchase book six!

Six kicked five's butt, though.

But that's another story.

(Do you get it? Another Story? It really is ANOTHER STORY!)

Cataloging awaits; I must flee.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

MARCH on in, sir!

That was a CHEESY title. Wow.

Things are still chugging along here, made easier by the early-onset Spring that brings the temps up to almost 70 most of the past week. I don't remember a winter this mild in recent years, and am looking forward to more days of No Socks, nice-smelling air, and breezy nights sitting outside.

I am at a loss for writing-inspiration today, probably because nothing really earth-shaking has been going on. My schedule is the same, my to-do list grows ever longer, my attitude is hopeful.

I did get a new Rant phone last night--whoopee! I can even watch TV on it, once our Everything plan kicks in later this month. I have never been that interested in technological innovations, so while everyone's all excited about the iPhone apps and picture mail and accessing Facebook from their non-wireless hotel in Podunk, Nebraska, I've just never seen the appeal. That's not to say I don't get ANY enjoyment out of computer/TV progressions, but I've always been happy not to change things up too often. I still don't like talking on my cell phone, especially versus a land-line phone that doesn't get hot or cuts out or doesn't conform to your head. (If I could communicate entirely via writing, I would. And technological innovations HAVE helped that instinct.)

I hated giving up my ancient silver flip-phone over two years ago, because it had the perfect little pearl-drop ringtone that was so quiet and pleasing and everyone would say "Oh! Is that your RING?! That is so nice!" I got used to it, you know? And now I can't find it anymore (and have NEVER been able to figure out how to make new ringtones go to my phone despite investing about $5 in a few), so every time my phone rings now, I have to think for a minute before realizing it's mine. I LIKE CONSISTENT RINGS, dangit!! The first thing I did was check this new phone's ring tones for anything similar, but...nope. I want one that's not too abrasive, but also one with a non-continuous, one that more imitates a home-phone ring. When a ring is continuous, like a song, I feel frantic trying to answer it. At least with a landline ring, you know you have a few seconds in between rings.

But now I have a keyboard with rubbery letters, and a pretty red number-pad, and GPS, and TV channels that are easy to get to. The awesome lady at the Sprint store last night showed me how it worked, and I got all the latest news on how much Jason Mesnick pays his ex-wife for child support. So timely!

Okay, I've decided I need some structure. I need a jumping-off point. And these are good for that. I feel like writing, I just don't feel like thinking too much.

1. I wish I could.....
be in a place where my heart doesn't skip a beat each time the phone rings
2. My biggest fear is....
death...of anyone close
3. I hate to.....
feel out of control
4. I love....
coming home.
5. Today I will....
follow many of my pseudo-Lenten promises
6. Yesterday I .....
watched our funny lizard try and climb our screen door before I went to work
7. My hair is....
never to my liking. Always annoying.
8. I will never...
live somewhere I don't really like.

Now for more procrastination!

Sunday Stealing: The Procrastination Tool Meme
1. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?

Hm. This one so depends on my mood, but if we're talking ambiance/environment, I'll pick Dharma Blue in Pensacola, followed by Sophia's, Macaroni Grill for the smell of the brick ovens, and India's Kitchen for the food.

2. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?

Dad's salad, Olive Garden salad, or Sophia's Caesar salad. I think anything else heavier would get really old.

3. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

Nope, I am extraction-free!

4. What is the last heavy item you lifted?

I brought our massage-chair thing out to the car last week with the intentions of taking it into my Jeff City work, but I was never motivated again to take it actually IN to work. So it's still in the car.

5. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?

No, but Tasha Utterback kicked me in the stomach when I was little. I remember being alternately astounded that she did it and feeling a weird not-quite-pain-but-definitely-not-comfortable sensation.

6. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

Probably not.

7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

When I was little, I would have chosen Alexandra or Veronica or something glamorous. I always liked "Kate" or "Katie," but not Katherine.

8. What’s your goal for the year?

For the year? Wow. Um, let's say, pay off some debts.

9. Last person you hugged?

I hugged Neil this morning!

10. First place you went this morning?

To the bathroom. Outside of home, I drove to Stephens for work.

11. Do you always answer your phone?

Nope. And never when it's a number I don't recognize.

12. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?

Lily or Steve, telling me about some celebrity they just had a conversation with. Well, not so much Lily anymore, as there is a dearth of celebrities in CoMo.

13. If you could change your eye color what would it be?

All green. None of this hazel junk.

14. What’s on your wish list for your birthday?

Rent tickets. That is ALL I WANT. And they WON'T GO ON SALE! I have been checking and CHECKING!!

15. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?


16. Do you have any saved texts?

Not consciously, I guess. But I don't delete them. I used to write down every one Neil would send me, though.

17. Ever been in a car wreck?

Yes, I rear-ended another car in a rainstorm in Iowa. On the way to a scrapbook store. What a terrible day!

18. Do you have an accent?

No, although I get one after spending too much time in New Madrid.

19. What was the last song to make you cry?'s been awhile. I really don't remember.
I know it was when I was driving home from JC, though. Some love song.

20. What did you do last night?

Got a new phone, ate Taco Bell, watched Neil unwrap some new toys, watched Lie To Me, and went to bed.

21. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?

I think I have felt like it, but I know compared to other people, I have never been close. I mean, I never really lack for any basic need. And I'm not, nor have I ever or will I ever, be involved in substance abuse which I have seen causes people to hit that level.

22. Current hate right now?

My weight. My schedule. The fact that I can't fix everything.

23. Met someone who changed your life?

Of course!

24. How did you bring in the New Year?

Sitting with Mary and Emily, in Em's apartment, gabbing about boys and religion and clothes. It was very cute and girly.

25. What song represents you?

I'm not a real song-person. I don't dislike them, by any means, I just don't get as into music as most people do. I don't know that I can really name a song off the top of my head that represents me, although there are many that while listening to them, I can identify with. If I even take the time to think about the lyrics, which I don't do that often.

This post was kinda lame and all over the place, wasn't it? Sorry. :) Not much to say on this weirdly dreary/sunny, warmish Sunday.