On a roll? Or just procrastinating and/or introspective?

"Change will only occur when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of the change itself."

I read this in a blog I follow called Bitch Cakes...spoken to her by her Weight Watchers leader.

I really liked it. I can apply it to so much in my life: clutter, money, work, weight loss.

All of which I'd love to change...I just....can't. Why can't I just do it? Why is change so hard? I get so excited about prospective change, and maybe I even stick with it for a little bit, but it never 'takes.' Only in a blue moon can I truly say "I've adopted this habit, and it's good for me, and I can't imagine life without this!"

I've done it with drinking lots of water every day, and finally with showering...

(there are two kinds of people: those who hate showering, and those who love it. Maybe there are those who just don't mind it; I don't know. I'm making judgments here, so bear with me. At any rate, I am firmly in the former category, which if you've forgotten since it's way up there is that I HATE IT. I hate wet hair, particularly when it's loose...I hate seeing my body in the mirror and wanting to change it...I hate the extra 20-30 minutes it takes out of my morning-sleeps...I hate the coldness of shutting off the water and having to step out, all shivery and wet...but I do it now, every other day without fail, and not just because I have a date with somebody cute. Because that's EVERY day!)

...wow, that was a lengthy segue. What I'm trying to say is...I *have* done this. And while I still hate showering, and brushing my teeth when I reaaaaaalllly just want to drag myself to bed, and some days I have to stay up an extra ten minutes to finish up the day's drinking water, cursing it all the while because I'm not thirsty...I just know the habits are pretty well stuck.

And I also know from the past that I *can* get into exercising daily. That I can even enjoy and crave it. That I *can* successfully lose weight, feel fantastic at being able to fit into those cute jeans I hadn't been able to wear in months, and take pleasure in eating more healthily. That I *can* purge useless junk from my past and not regret it ever again. That I *can* eschew spending money in times of need and feel great about not falling back into spendthrift habits, and even pay off debt if I'm really good.

I just wish it wasn't so easy to slip back into the poorer habits just because I might treat myself every so often. I can be doing really awesome at a diet, or cleaning, or exercising, or not spending money...and then I say after a little while "I deserve a treat after all this monk-like living. Shakespeares sausage and pepperoni on wheat, just this once" ...but then, it is NEVER just this once. It is nothing, or it is ALL. And I hate to think I'll never solve all my problems always living in a 'nothing' world...with no cookie dough or frosted brownies or Barnes & Noble or Graceland gift shops or lazing on the couch without exercising or cleaning first.