Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Processing.

I have so many thoughts swirling around, I don't know where to begin. Half of it I can't write here anyway, so that helps. (Or not. Probably not.)

I'll just start with the basics.

CK Spring Temptations perfume, 1 brown flocked round beaded bracelet and 1 brown two-toned wooden-beaded bracelet (both removed), yellow rhinestone pendant necklace (removed due to damage); olive-y, yellow-y rhinestone dangly stud earrings.

Back to work after a long weekend, which was alternately awesome and absolutely terrible. Hyatt at the Arch--you've lost my business for good. But it was fantastic to see my darlin' Shannon, even if it was for far too short a time. I finished a crafty project (this is big, people....I am *not* a finisher!) and made a trip to the storage unit and finished an audio book. And kept reasonably well to my eating plan--although with travel it's always hard to be exact. Two pounds down this week, and I'm happy with that.

I can't quite believe this, but my work has recently no longer become the haven it once was. I'm not having a conflict with a co-worker exactly...it's just what I fear is the end to a friendship. And it makes me sad beyond what I would have expected. Since we're a tight-knit group, and I'm the prickliest one, I've been...not shunned, exactly. Everyone is too nice for that. They're all polite and kind and caring. It's just not the same for me there anymore. The group is not as cohesive (when I am around), and I am no longer sought out for chats or entertainment or what have you. It kinda kills me. :( I thought it would be one of the hardest things to eventually leave here next year, but now I don't think it will be. Silver lining, I guess.

Anyway.

I've noticed a strange feeling lately in regards to my eating. Before, when I was hungry, it was delightful to eat. I looked forward to it and planned it and made my life revolve around food. But with this plan, since I don't LOVE it, I just don't want to be hungry. Of course there are things I love to eat AND go with the plan, and I have those things on occasion. But mostly I just want to make it through the day without cheating or puking. So I've been semi-enjoying the *presence of* protein shakes...never liked them much before, but now they serve a purpose. They make my tummy un-growly, and they have nutrients I'm probably not getting elsewhere. And I don't love them, so I don't overdo it.

It's nice to not crave huge delicious meals all the time, and I like that I have an alternative when I just don't want to think about food. But at the same time, I miss that feeling--of being perfectly sated (or, most of the time, STUFFED) after eating *exactly* what I'm craving. (I don't, however, miss the rare heartburn, or waking up *still* feeling full because of a binge the night before, or hating the scale with a passion.)

I've definitely been trying to substitute favorite things, or indulgent things, with plan-friendly dishes. And while that does absolutely work...it doesn't teach me anything, you know? And I'm very conscious of that--whether or not I actually heed it. Even if I make a perfect imitation of a Dewey's Extra Pepperoni, I shouldn't eat as much as I can hold.

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