What the hell.

I've decided to make this public again, and am debating disabling comments. I put too much validation into comments, and I want this blog to be my own journal, not someplace where I welcome judgment based on what I write. On the other hand, it's gotten to the point where it hurts my feelings when I *don't* get comments from friends, and I hate that I become upset over that. The last thing I want to do is to make anyone feel obligated to comment! It's a total struggle.

[Juli--thank you for your recent feedback, though. I don't have another venue to interact with you via social media, and it warms the cockles of my heart to know you're reading.]

I've also gotten negative feedback from friends, and while part of me thinks I do NOT need that fuckery and this is my journal, to do with what I wish, I DO welcome discussion, and will respond to all comments from now on. But be warned that by reading this, you might read something you don't like. Even if that 'something' is me going on for paragraphs about how much I love driveways.


It's also been a morning that has turned pissy, after a glorious mid-week trip to St Louis and a morning commute listening to Eddie Vedder. I had energy to burn, baby! But then...my boss got mad at me, and I'm letting it consume my thoughts. Ick. I was so uncomfortable that I actually went to her--something I would never have done before--and asked her about that anger. It was actually a really good talk, because her emotions were stemming from something else that had pissed her off.

But I'm still resentful, as my dysfunctional self is wont to do.

It's time for a list or seven.

If you had to choose, would you rather be rich or famous? Why?

Rich. I'm too self-conscious to be famous. I'm sure there are problems with being rich, but it sure would be nice to get gastric bypass or hire Curtis Stone. Yummmm.


What places do you visit the most?

Lots of 'places' questions in this thing.
Dad's house, St Louis, Chicago, Ohio (though not much in recent years)--and two places I wish I could go to more, LA and Florida.


What are your top 5 dream jobs?

1. Theatre librarian
2. Copy-editor at a YA/sassy chicklit imprint in NYC
3. NYPL cataloger
4. Part-time at Archiver's
5. Disney Christmas warehouse stock-boy

Runner-up: whoever makes sure the Cardinals' baseball pants fit them correctly.


What were your favorite things to do as a child?

Read, read, read. I'd read anything. I even tried some of Dad's classic stuff when I ran out of my own, but there's a reason Hemingway isn't marketed to eight-year-old girls.

Jump on neighbors' coveted trampolines. Jennifer and Andi had them, and it wasn't til junior year that Dad got ours.

Sneak in as much TV as possible. Television was extremely restricted, to my tween/adolescent mind, and none was allowed after 7:00 on weeknights, with the exception of Cosby Show, which we all watched together. I missed EVERY OTHER sitcom my friends would rave about. I was dying to see Tony Micelli and Judge Harry Stone and Cliff Claven and Mike Seaver and, most of all, Alex P. Keaton. OH BOY OH BOY did I have a mighty crush on Michael J. Fox. I did not understand how someone could even BE that attractive.

Put together puzzles with my parents as Simon & Garfunkel, or Peter, Paul, and Mary, played softly from the turntable.


What magazines would you like to be on the cover of?

Erm...not any, really. Maybe Library Journal for being the Best and Most Quirky Cataloger ever?


What are your favorite sports teams?

Cards, first and always first. Always happy to hear when Grinnell is doing well. Despite my lack of school spirit, I'll go with Mizzou Tigers next (men's basketball and football). Then Packers, and for eye candy purposes only, NYGiants and Bears. And Panthers, now. I might be the only Cards fan who likes the Cubbies a decent amount. I like that SF Giants crazy pitcher guy. And whatever team Eckstein is on. Even though I think he is done playing.


What people have taught you the most about life?

Mama, most of all. Dad. Steve. Joe. Lily. Neil, Linz, Em, Shannon, Sarah, Amanda, Annie, Brandy, Abs. Dr. Wheeler. So many more.


What are your worst dating experiences?

OOOH GOOD ONE!!! I wish I had better stories though. I'll do the first one that comes to mind, for now.

NYC, summer 2001. Met Thomas online, and he asked me out for drinks. I put on my killer red/black dress that makes me look like a different person practically, and trekked up some kind of Upper West or East Side, armed with my roommate Katie's cell phone for protection. She insisted. (Love that girl!) Thomas was attractive enough--very generic. Tall, dark hair, tanned, whatever. Nothing that blew me away, but better than average.
As *soon* as I sat down with him, he started talking about how he had a really prominent job and how he was in all these magazines. "How would you feel if I told you I was in the majority of the magazines you have studied this summer?" were actually words that came out of his arrogant face. I told him I wouldn't care.
When he paid the tab, he pulled out a GIGANTIC wad of bills and peeled off a few. I could tell he thought the wad was pretty neat. As we made moves to leave--and bear in mind, no romantic or sexual moves had been made by either of us yet-- he leaned over and said "You can't come back to my hotel room unless you go to the bathroom, take off your panties, and bring them back to me."

"Huh," I said. "Walk me to the subway?"


What are your favorite horror movies?

Um...zero.


What are the things that, at first glance, people would not know about you?

This is a really hard one. If my blog were private, I'd have many answers for this. :) A few of you reading know what they are, anyway, so maybe I don't have to answer at all. I guess I'll say I'm a little wilder than I look, and leave it at that.


And that, my friends...is THAT.