Don't Weigh In Every Day!

...Monday mornings only. REMEMBER THAT, GEN.

I did a little CARdio on the way to work, which helped get me energized. Still working on that "getting enough sleep" thing, though...only about five hours last night.


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Later....much, much later.

Feeling so crappy. So disoriented. Slept HARD this evening when I sat down to read, and I'm hot, and I know I'm sick. But no sick days. hurray.

Just a little exercise today. Didn't eat a lot though.

Not a good day, not a bad day. Just a dizzy day.

I must to bed.

It's Disgusting Outside!

I didn't know it could rain slush. But here we are...

I don't like it when the ground matches the sky.

Or when it takes me an hour to get to work.

Or feeling major hunger pains.

BUT, it's a new week. And it'll be spring by the end of it.

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So, today was a success! I ate normally during the day, just keeping track of my calories, and burned 1000 more (EXACTLY 1000 more!) than I ate. It was definitely tough after not having done this for awhile, and I *made* it tougher by not making super-smart choices earlier in the day. Normally I like to save my bigger meal for dinner, but I wasted a lot of calories on breakfast and I had to make it up later. I walked for a few minutes at work and for a lot of minutes at home, catching up on some Biggest Loser for extra inspiration.

I'm proud to have made it this far today--I left work a bit early because yesterday's illness was returning, and I worried I wouldn't be up for exercising tonight. I also skipped out on book club this evening for that reason, and while I was disappointed to not feel up to it, I also know I escaped some tempting snacks by not going.

More things I incorporated into my day that I want to continue: various bits of yoga; non-tech time (read: READING!).

Daylight Savings Time Can Go To Hell

Tomorrow is going to be Nasty.

It's almost 1:00 in the a.m. and I am not a bit tired. I was sick today when I woke up, so I took some congestion meds and went back to sleep...and had a verrrrrry lazy day thereafter.

I feel disgusting...disappointed in myself....lazy....and so, so, so fat. I don't like seeing people who haven't seen me in a few years because I'm sure they'll be thinking "Oh wow, she has gained WEIGHT."

It is so easy for me to forget my goals....forget how great it feels to wear skirts in the summer and cute jackets in the fall; to shop in the normal-sized section of Macy's and to give away all these clothes I hate.

But I HAVE to remember those goals. I don't want to face my next annual check-up with yet another not-loss, or worse, a 30-pound gain from last time. I don't want my doctor to tell me I'm pre-diabetic. I don't want to have a heart attack because my heart can't function properly trying to pump blood to my whole, huge body. I don't want to land in the hospital and worry my husband.

And I don't want to go shopping for clothes that are even bigger than the ones I have to wear now. The ones I HATE now.

I am so fortunate to have as friends people who DON'T make me feel ugly; who compliment my nicer clothes and say I look cute when I get my hairs cut, to have a husband who makes me feel beautiful and sexy every minute of the day. My yoga teacher takes me through moves that she knows I can handle, and I always feel strong and powerful with her, when I know I used to be able to do so much more.

But my body is rebelling now. My stomach is telling me not to fill it full of crap anymore. The skin there has new stretch marks. For the first time in my life, I have regular breakouts on my chin. I've passed another 'milestone of fear'...another number on the scale that was always so foreign, so out of reach, that I couldn't imagine ever getting there. And I HAVE.

AND I HAVE TO STOP. Caving into my cravings...letting even a day go by without some sort of exercise...letting myself mindlessly eat...and stop telling myself "okay, okay, just start Monday." I am SUCH a cliche. Everything weight-loss blogs or books or articles write about...that's my life. Am I a food addict? Probably. But I can't admit it.

My god, what will make me wake up? I have no major health issues; just inconveniences. Even reaching this milestone number didn't freak me out as much as it would have a year ago.

I'm trying this, again, again, AGAIN---and here, for accountability. I'm disappointed Atkins didn't work for me, so I'm going back to tried-and-true "burn more calories than I take in."

My regular goal each day is to burn 1000 more. If it's a weird day, like I'm sick or traveling or similar, I don't want to go below 500 more.

I hope I can keep my own promise to come back here once a day. If I don't, it means I didn't make my goal that day, and I'm ashamed of myself. And I am so, so tired of being ashamed of myself.


Thanks for being here with me. You're going to make this easier.

I Quit.

I'd been having an okay week. I was sticking to the plan (mostly...Superbowl Seven-Layer Dip probably wasn't going to get me under my 20-carb limit!), and had re-stocked our fridge and my area of the cabinet with low-carb-friendly meals and snacks. I was getting used to this. I was never hungry and never really craving things uncontrollably, and I was kinda loving the 'no-exercise' aspect....more time to snuggle with the hubs and watch Jersey Shore!

I woke up this Monday morning, and it was like a Truck of Disgust hit me. It all sounded so revolting. Slim Jims for snacks, microwave sausage every morning, endless waxy rounds of Babybel cheese and foil triangles of Laughing Cow...rolled pieces of hard salami with cream cheese in the middle...even my beloved sour deviled eggs didn't sound good. I felt like throwing up, thinking of everything. That vomitous feeling continued throughout the day.

And then I remembered....this happened before. It's why I eventually stopped this diet, more than once. I remembered that when I'd felt it before, I tried and TRIED to overcome it....experimented with riced cauliflower, mail-ordered the best (and, generally, most expensive) sugar-free chocolate ever, ate more salads and veggies so everything wouldn't taste so heavy. But nothing worked, even after weeks.

And...call me a wimp....but I couldn't face that again. As much as I love the expediency of weight-loss on this plan (and as much as I love smothering everything I eat with melted cheese!), it just wasn't worth the suffering I was beginning to feel. I knew it would be fairly easy to get back into a lower-calorie groove, with my good friends at GoWear Fit (my calories-burned device) and Lean Pockets.

So, as of this morning, I'm five pounds down from my initial weigh-in, pre-Atkins. I have 2.5 seasons of Biggest Loser on the DVR to work out to, and 25 visits to the ARC to use up. It's going to be difficult, and it's gonna be slow. But if I'm GOOD, it won't be so bad.

Yeah, I know....I'm fickle. But I think I can definitively say that this was my last go at the low-carb thang.

Wasting my TIME!

Neil and I have been suuuuuper productive lately. We've almost completely cleared out the second bedroom so he can use it as his Space, and are in the process of building up my Craft Area so I won't have to dig through tubs every time I want to find the adorable vintage pointy-finger stamp Linz got me for Christmas.

We are SOOOOO excited! I've had a craft area before, but it wasn't very organized, and it took up half the living room...and I didn't use it as often as I meant to. But I'm approaching this Area with a new sense of de-cluttering, having done research again and again for what systems work the most for scrapbookers. And, after two trips to IKEA, I am finally ready to go! I'm so looking forward to building the new shelves and carefully planning what papers and binders and embellishments go in what area. The goals are Accessibility and Relative Attractiveness. I also know that as I get into all my stuff, I will be letting go of things along the way--always a satisfying feeling.

SO. In that vein...I've deleted most of my computer games I waste hours and hours on. No more Cities of Wonder, no more Bejeweled, no more WordTwist, PathWords, or Scramble. (I'm keeping Scrabble, because that's actual - virtual - interaction with friends and family.) Even watching a DVR'ed episode of Biggest Loser will make me feel more productive (and more inspired!) than two hours of mindless clicking on my cities to retrieve the goods or population.

I've always had an affinity for games, but I'm really going to try and do without the ones that I play alone, and devote that free time to reading or crafting. Or EVEN exercising (though a very, very nice aspect of low-carb/Atkins is that no exercise is required in order to lose scads of weight). But I suppose it can't *hurt*...

Eight!

Pounds gone, that is.

I've had a crazy couple of weekends since starting this...first, Chicago, where I didn't exactly adhere to the plan (c'mon...Portillo's, people!), and then a second trip to Chicagoland, where I DID (er, as much as one can when you're eating Denny's mysterious Side Salad and need the A-1 to make the t-bone palatable). Other than that, though, I was at or below 20 carbs a day.

I'm so glad this works for me. It's the one diet where I don't ever feel hungry or deprived...much. I DO get cravings, but if I look hard enough, I can generally find substitutes that will suffice.

Here I go again...

I feel like a broken record...but here it is, January 11 (1/11/11!) and I've begun another new plan for the new year. I love starting new each year...it always seems like no matter how much bad stuff I've done to my body, or whatever crap is going on in other areas of life, that I'm always given a fresh start to change it up.

I realize it's a controversial choice, but I'm back on the old low-carb plan. I feel like I have to defend it, but the bottom line is...I need my weight to go down. And I like this diet just fine. And, frankly, I don't eat well one bit when I'm not on it (despite trying...I just don't have the discipline), so reducing starches and sugars can only help me.

I've also done some reading about transitioning back to traditional eating once I've reached my goal weight, and feel like I have the resources necessary to help me do that. There's been a high 'regain-plus' trend for low-carbers once they come off the plan, because they immediately start gorging on carbs again (even if they're eating low-fat). Bodies need time to come off ketosis, and the key is to slowly re-integrate carbs per week.

BUT, that won't be for awhile. I just like having that to look forward to in the days when I get sick of these heavy foods.

That's also not to say that I won't have little carb-breaks here and there--I'm not visiting Florida in February without trying some fresh citrus!--but with the understanding that any deviation from 20 carbs a day means I definitely won't lose weight for the day, and a full day off usually means no loss or a slight gain for the week. I love the idea of being held accountable, so there may be a few boring what-I-ate-today posts here and losses for the week. :)

I am going to try, try, try not to weigh myself more than once a week. The first time I did this, it was SUCH a high to get on that scale every morning and see it go down 1-2 pounds every day at first. But then it was all the harder on the days when there was inexplicably no weight loss.

I'm excited about this new plan (I've done it several times so it actually seems almost old-hat now), and made it through that always-sucky first day without maniacally craving a ginormous piece of chocolate cake. I'm stocked at work with pepperoni, turkey jerky, pickled eggs, pickled cauliflower, olives, and almonds for snacks this week. and bunless chili cheese dogs for lunch today.

I hope the next time I check in here, it'll be a good progress report!