That is some kind of a thing.

I was checking in "Elle Decor" this week at work, and saw that a designer featured in an ad had the first name of "Celerie." Yes, there's an "i-e" at the end, and one of the "e"s may have had an accent ague on it...but essentially, this chick's name is Celery. And that's awesome. (Even though I don't like celery. Too stringy, and the little taste it does have is nasty. Ruins a perfectly wonderful chicken salad.)

So, it's coming. One week from tonight, I'll be married! I have a million things to do, and definitely don't have time to be idly blogging, but I think I need to. Years from now, I'll wonder what I was feeling those days between Ms. Dawson and Mrs. Dazet...right? Right?

Which reminds me. When do I officially stop being a fiancee (Blogger! Allow us to insert symbols, please. It bugs me that I can't put an accent on that 'e'...) and become the bride? And then, when do I stop being a bride and become a wife? "Wife" seems...old. I don't mean to say, married lady-friends reading this, that you seem old. You don't. But for me...calling myself a wife...sounds like my mom. Who's always been older than me. Obviously. Perhaps when I am one, it won't seem like that. I'll let you know, though.

Neil and I have been working and working on next week's events, and though I'm not really overwhelmed, I know I won't be able to fully relax until we leave Dad's house Saturday night, full of pizza and Emily-cakes and sparkly-lemonade with simple syrup. And then there's the reception the week after that to look forward to, and our drive to Youngstown the weekend after that (we totally got the suite instead of the standard room, complete with whirlpool bath--fun!!), and then it's ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!

So, how am I feeling? I'm a bit nervous, bordering on panicky sometimes. This stems from, of course, the miles-long list I rewrite daily (to remind myself of everything that needs doing, and to motivate me to cross things off it), and the worry that I won't get it all done. But seriously, no one's gonna care. Steve's not going to bitch that the outside display of gourds aren't perfectly scrubbed if I don't get them washed thoroughly, for example. I'm also nervous, though, for the actual event. I've never done this! Will it change me? Will I begin taking my darling Neil for granted? Will he turn into a WoW addict who never lets me check my e-mail or, worse, status updates on Facebook? Will nothing change at all? Will I be embarrassed declaring my love for this person in front of 25 people I care about? I am not one to gush over things or be emotional with my family or friends whatsoever; when I called Emily in gasping tears after a recent turn of events shook my world upside-down, she said I hadn't called her crying before, and she was touched I'd turned to her in that moment. Plus, she made Noah laugh into the phone at the end, which made me melt, and cheered me up immensely.

I just...I sometimes think I want to do this alone. Just me and him. No one else, not even an officiant. How else, I think, can it be truly from the heart? We are performing for a crowd, repeating words that's their benefit to hear, even though it's technically for us...I wouldn't say 90% of the things I say to Neil at home, in public where everyone can hear. It's too gooey and silly and, you know--just for us. And if we're confirming our legal commitment of love together, why would we leave that stuff out, that's the essence of our time together?

But then again, maybe that's the very reason for the ceremony. So we can declare this publicly, in front of the one group of people we want to be with to witness it (and those that will be there in spirit). And that's pretty neat, right? I'll never forget Emily singing to Joe (you should have warned me, Em, because, damn), or Braden's smile as he watched Amanda walk to him, or Allen and Deborah's grins as they strode out of the church past us. I was surprised at how emotional I was during those moments, because in all three cases, I was single and felt a little left out of this world of romance. But witnessing something these people chose to share, intimate moments all, made me smile inside and out. And maybe that's what this is all about. Letting people in, for a little while, to see a window to your souls that's normally kind of private. Yeah, it may be a little uncomfortable, but this is the only time we'll be doing this.


So, this coming week in a nutshell:

Sunday: errands, errands, errands. Dad's, maybe. Probably Dad's. Very likely.
Monday: Work 8-1. Darling Sarah JC is coming into town to help me, and I may knock out some more errands shoe- and jewelry-related while she's around.
Tuesday: Work 8-1. Uncomfortable doctor's appointment after. Almost as bad as having a blood test. Tackle to-dos. Meme and Papa due to arrive! (Thank goodness I won't have to call them anything different.)
Wednesday: Work 8-1. Possible lunch out with Corrie and a vendor. Must...stick...to....diet. Set up Fall Display at Dad's. Errands, errands, errands.
Thursday: Work 8-1. Finish as many things as possible before Neil calls. Drive to Fulton, pick him up, then go to Kirkwood to visit with the Marlowes. Steal Lily and Steve back and drive home, probably late.
Friday: Off work. Appointment at noon at Salon Adair with Lily for mani-pedis. Shop with her to get remaining needs, including flowers for my hair from Michael's. Make sure chairs, samovar, and glassware are picked up from US Rents It and Lindsey Rentals. Highlight/trim hair. Dinner with families. Mark arrives. Spend the night at Dad's or Sarah's.
Saturday: Most of day at Sarah's, girly luncheon, doing hair, makeup, dress. Pick up flowers at 2:00 from My Secret Garden. Ensure everything travels to Shelter that needs to be there. Meet Neil at 3:45 for hellos and start of early photo session. 4:40, be at door of schoolhouse to greet. After everyone arrives, the ceremony begins. After ceremony, take more photos at sunset, then go home to change. Meet at Dad's by seven or so for dinner.
Sunday: Trip to Fulton to see Neil's new work with Mark, Meme, and Papa.

Eeeeesh! How much will actually be done in time?? Thinking about it just stresses me out. I also have a manuscript to read. Yeah, that's a priority.

I should have gotten a massage appointment for this week.

Thank goodness this isn't a big-affair wedding. It would be so easy for me to go crazynuts.



Two epiphanies this week:

1. Choosing when to get gas these days is like playing to stock market. Gas went up to $3.39, stayed there awhile, and then a few weeks ago, went down to $3.29. Then, a few days later, $3.19. I had less than a quarter tank left, but I could have held out for a few days (my Corolla gets wicked gas mileage). But I wanted to take advantage of the $3.19 before it went up again. So I filled up.

Two days later, it was down to $2.99.

Then, this weekend, $2.89.

I sold too quick.

2. This may not be an original thought, but it occurred to me how much the seasons of the year are like a single day. Spring is morning, with chilly sunlight and the world beginning anew. Summer is midday, with the hot bright sun overhead, the hottest time of the day. Autumn is sunset, all oranges and goldens and burnished reds, beginning to pave the road for the night...which is totally wintry.

When do I get my laureate prize thing? Because this is serious and deep genius.