I feel ugly.

...In more ways than one. I've let things (health-wise) slide for so long that I feel physically icky.

I justify "Waiting to Start" ALL. THE. TIME. All the time. "Well, I WAS going to kick-start this stricter diet tomorrow, but I *just* got that Broccoli Cheese casserole from the deli and I have no idea how many calories are in it, so I'll just wait to start til that's gone." "Well, I WAS going to start today, but I forgot that it's Sarah's birthday and we're going to Shakespeare's, and then there will be leftovers, so I'll just wait til that's gone." ARGH.

There will *always* be leftover pizza, or a special event, or some new food coming out I've wanted to try, or a new Mr. Goodcents in town (DAMN YOU GOODCENNNNNNNTS!), or a weekend trip to Kansas City...ALWAYS.

And I guess I need to keep reminding myself of that. So, yeah--there's leftover Shakes in the fridge. And the casserole, and some break-n-bake cookies. And I'm going to KC soon. And and and and AND AND AND.

Also, this is a horrible habit--I need to STOP taking weekends off. For real. Changing one's lifestyle can't just happen Monday thru Friday. I usually do allow myself ONE fun meal a week when I'm being strict, and that works out really well--if I'm absolutely dying for Taco Bell, I ask myself "Do you want this to be your fun meal, really?"--and it totally works to keep me in line. It's when I turn the "Fun meal" into a "Fun day," then a "Fun weekend," which are always soooo hard to come back from, that I get in trouble.

So. Today, instead of packing that incredible gooey butter cake for work, I measured out a cup of cottage cheese and made sure I had yogurt. I HATE this. I hate it. But I need to REALLY start one of these days....why can't it be today? Tell me, self, why can't it f*&king be TODAY?