Right now.

Right now...

I want:

~to be married. Thank goodness that's a given!



~that library job in Jefferson City (and N to drive with me every day)! How cute would it be to commute together and take walks around JC downtown during lunch?

~to enjoy fall to its fullest. OUTSIDE of the car.



~to see my sister. Dang, I miss Lily.

~to visit Prince Edward Island. Three words: MA GI CAL.



~to get back on track...in many areas!!


I have:

~the love of my life by my side every day. I've dreamed of this my whole life. And I have it. So quit my bitching!

~lost 29 pounds since May. Sometimes I feel it's slow going, but that's just part of any weight loss plan.

~been moved to tears by people's kindness...especially lately. I can't articulate how blessed I am.

I need:

~to relax more. Sit down with a book for an hour, one that I am NOT reading only in order to return it to the library. Watch a non-Netflixed DVD.

~[and, ironically,] to work more. ChaCha gets me some, but not much, especially considering how tedious it is. I almost applied for a serving job the other day...it's a last resort, but I know how quick and good the money is. I'm just so averse to that crazy, feet-hurting, kiss-ass life these days. I don't know how I'd handle it. Maybe it would be awesome, though.

~to let my feelings be known. And by that, I mean I have to let them be known. Not that I need to start, or anything.

~to admit when I'm wrong. It sometimes causes me physical pain.



~to put more exercise in my schedule. I quit the ARC this week to save some bones, but we have a facility here at Katy Place, and I'm happy just walking in place watching a '90210' DVD anyway. But this diet doesn't require it, so it's super hard to be motivated!

I should:

~not be so picky. 'Easygoing' has never been anything anyone would describe me as.

~lose weight for the right reasons--not the aesthetic ones. I mean, let's be honest.

~learn how to sew more than buttons. I'm trying. I just don't have that patience.

~keep up with my online to-do list every day. But I don't. Even now I'm afraid to go to the site for fear of seeing how long it has grown due to my 'repeat tasks every day' option. *shudder*

I am:

~generally pretty happy. I wouldn't have ever described myself that way, but apart from little bumps here and there, life is good.

~good at what I do for a living. I made a promise to myself when I began that I would never fudge on cataloging, never take the short route, as others often do, and I haven't. Okay, much.



~a perfectionist. Which helps with the item just above. But it's also kind of annoying when it comes to loading the dishwasher just so or describing items on eBay. Remember that SNL sketch, "The Anal Retentive Chef" (Phil Hartman)? I looked up to that guy.

I look forward to:

~Lil & Gil coming home. I can't tell you how much I want them here!

~Steve & Joe's visit. Dad's empty nest will be all a-chirp once again!

~friends and family surrounding my life every month this fall. October, November, December...what an awesome year!

~Emily's cupcakes. I'm not going to cheat until then!

~no more worry. It'll happen. I know it in my head.

~meeting Carmen Renleigh Atkins. AGA, my vote for her 'leaving-the-hospital' outfit is the "I'M NOT A BOY" onesie.

~the 'Ugly Betty'& 'Office' season premieres! Not that I don't mourn the departure of 'Gilmore Girls' and the perpetually-fall-or-Christmas Stars Hollow every year. But a girl has to move on, and it may as well be with Toby Flenderson and Justin Suarez, Betty's effete nephew.


I don't:

~want to feel anxious anymore. I fear I'm in for a life of high blood pressure. I like having your squishy toes, Mom, but this I could do without. :)

~eat potato chips, and haven't for over 15 years. I just never really liked 'em, and announced one day that I was done. I said the same about cookies and doughnuts, but that only lasted until college.

~take photos very well. But it's something I don't care to learn, either. I don't really care enough about light and shutter speeds and editing and all that nonsense. Plus, my perfectionism would probably mean that nothing would ever get done.


Sometimes:

~I really miss England in the fall. Sometimes. That morning we woke up in a B&B in Bath, with a light snow falling all over, I shall never forget.

~I wonder if ex-friends are doing well. I looked up someone on Facebook who I once hated, and she was talking about her brand-new baby boy. I was so happy for her.

~I wish I hadn't burned bridges. Might be easier to get a part-time job right now!

~I wonder if I've changed. I feel like I have, and I want to have, but I don't know.

~I question my sense of humor. Why do I not see the funnies in 'Everybody Loves Raymond'? 'The Simpsons'? 'King of the Hill'? 'Two and a Half Men'? 'My Name is Earl'? These are popular frackin' shows, and a lot of this country loves them. And I completely see the genius of other shows, like 'Seinfeld' and 'The Daily Show,' so why can't I see the comic value of these? I remember at my birthday party in 8th grade, my friend Melissa gave me a cassette tape of "E=MO squared", a performance by the comedian Emo Phillips. We listened to it, and everyone else was cracking up except me. I think I tried to fake it, so I at least sounded cool, but I clearly remember thinking "WTF is up with this guy? He's just weird." Then, I tried the tape again in high school, a couple years later, and was astonished at how hilarious it now was. Similar, I guess, to how I used to have Dad explain to me why certain "Far Side"s were funny, then I understood them by myself years later.


I love:

~Hartsburg pumpkins and Yoda-shaped gourds. So much cheaper than any in Columbia.



~the smell of dad's cigar on the porch, and the crispness of an early fall evening. It's especially wonderful when every seat is taken.

~Sophia's Caesar salad. Oh my goodness. I tried a different one there the other night, and though it was fine, there's no comparison.

~Noah's excitement, especially when I see him for the first time in awhile. He just BOUNCES!!!

~Smelling Neil's arm when he comes home from the ARC pool. Chlorine makes my heart sing!

~The St. Louis Cardinals at night. The silence of baseball games can't be matched.

~that a low-carb diet means I don't have to eat fruit. And I don't have to pretend I like it. :)



~that people read this! Thank you for your love.