I have something to say.

That sounds so solemn, doesn't it? I don't mean it to...I really do just have something to say today, as opposed to NOT having something to say (which has kinda been the case for these past few weeks).





Anyway, this is another meandering, purposeless post, even though I *have* intentions. It's been quite a rollercoaster of a month. I always despise January-February (despite great events like Idol's beginning, Valentine's Day, the OSCARS [!!!!!!!], and even the Superbowl), and all through December I kept thinking "Ugh, JANUARY'S coming. Ugh." And then it began...and I was surprisingly jaunty. I had all these things I wanted to tackle, and Neil was on his way home from Ohio, and I was actually happy!





Then, we encountered a major obstacle, and we've been working on recovering from that. Because of this, there hasn't been quite a normal day since January 5th--although every day isn't terrible, or anything. In fact, most of the time, my heart is warmed being surrounded by so many loving friends and family members. It's during times of trial that they come out of the woodwork wanting to offer a shoulder, lend an ear, or give advice, and it brings tears to my eyes to be blessed with such wonderful folks. So thank you:





Lily...I love how you check on me and are so loyal.


Pops...you're the first one I call, for anything good or bad.


Joe...your quiet affection and concern touches me deeply.


Steve...thanks for making me laugh so hard, even through tears, while still expressing how much family means to you.


Roger...a constant, and you've such a knack for calling exactly when I need you!


Lindsay...I love that I can just be myself around you...I feel like our friendship, though based on something years old, is new and different. Yet you can still make me laugh constantly, as you always have done, and I NEED that now!


Betsy...I am, time and time again, touched by your presence and your enthusiasm for our renewed friendship. Your advice and "virtual check-ups" mean so much to me!


Suzy...a true gift of a friend. You've saved me from tears more than once.


Emily...you know what you mean to me. I love you always.


Shannon...what an unexpected and wonderful gift, having you back in my life...a happiness I am thriving on these days...thank you for coming on this here blog to see me from afar. :)


Brandy...who can NOT be joyfully happy in your presence? No one, that's who...


Sarah I....a sweetheart beyond compare. Seeing me every day might prove to be a trial on others' patience, but your smiling face is one that never falters, every morning.


Sarah M....you deserve sainthood, Miss Miller, for all you do for me. Let's just leave it at that...


Mel & Stef...what a treasure you two are! I have come to terms with SO MUCH during our brief sessions...thank you so.


Paul & Stacy...you continue to be inspirational, loving, and gosh DANG did I get lucky with my in-laws...!


Becca....you make me smile so often, and in this gloomy month, nothing is needed more than that. Love you, my brand-new niece!


Mama...I have 'talked' with you many an evening lately, wondering if things will get better, or asking what I need to do to help us along. I feel your presence every day.





and my Neil...through good days and bad, you never let much time pass between "I love you"s and smiles...and your patience with me while I figure out how to keep my sanity is unparalleled. A couple of ladies mentioned above tell me that in these times of trial, it's destined that we're together, to lean on one another instead of having to go through life alone. I couldn't agree more. I love you more than anything I've ever known.





Okay...wow, that was too serious. Let's lighten the mood!





A few of the Lambson-family blog owners have been pondering their careers, what could have been, etc., and I didn't even think about doing the same since I'm so happy where I am now.





But I think it's a neat activity, so just for kicks, here's five careers I could have done at one point...





1. Stage manager (college major, did work for pro theatre companies in the capacity)...then, after a particularly harrowing summer at Arrow Rock (every time my once-broken thumb is stiff, I'm reminded how much I hate that place), I threw in the towel. But it's one of the few jobs in theatre where there are always positions open! Thankless as hell, and at $200 a week, who's complaining? (ME!)





2. Editor (assistant, etc)...NYU's Summer Publishing Institute was my foot in the door for this, and I was kinda on my way, but I saw how far $22K for a starting gig would get you in the big city, and I elected to go back to Columbia and prep for law school. I absolutely miss NYC, and wonder if I made the right decision...if given the chance to live anywhere near it, I'd jump at it. (Of course that also applies to Seattle, or San Diego, or San Fran, or Charleston, or Bath, or...)





3. Proofreader...again, another position I feasibly could have landed via my contacts through NYU. No one else wants to do it, and I thrive on catching errors. Without a journalism major, it's tough to get started in this career--but I still hold out hope for a freelance opportunity someday.





4. Lawyer (but three months of school was all I could handle). I just don't think that way. I don't think that's a good thing or a bad thing...I read cases like short stories, and when I disagreed with the precedent, it was hard for me to accept that I had no choice but to use them as an argument.





5. Children's/Teen librarian. Unfortunately, the ONLY courses at MU that focus on either of these areas are by the Worst Professor Ever. One of the reasons I wanted to transfer to UIUC was to take their myriad of wonderful courses on these subjects. Of course, I would never be able to act out Story Time. Never.





...followed by five DREAM jobs...





1. Entertainment lawyer (two law schools would have been GREAT for this, neither of which I even applied for; one in NYC, one in California). I *might* have even done well if I were passionate about the material!





2. Book preservationist (But you have to go to Curator school, or be an apprentice)...the best tours I've ever been on were through the preservation labs of the Bodleian library last May and the Archives' department just a couple of weeks ago. I would so thrive on sitting down with an old varnished map, taking a q-tip with an approved solution, and slowly, methodically, tediously cleaning every millimeter.





3. Children's Book committee member (i.e., Mark Twain, Caldecott, Newbery, etc). I have peers who do this, but they've all worked as Children's librarians--I think it would be really tough to be chosen if you haven't done that.





4. School counselor. Summers off? Scheduling kids' classes? Helping Lindsay, Emily, & Genny figure out the trials of high-school friendship? What's not to love?





5. Stage actor. I know, totally cliche. And I don't know how good I'd be at the whole same-show-every-night-for-years gig, nor having none of my nights free. But I can't compare anything to the excitement of being in a show. It's a shame I'm not that good at it. :)

All right, I'm outie. Thanks for tuning in!

P.S. This is on my desktop at work....cute, right?

Resolutions 2.0

Okay, so since last week knocked us for a loop, I need to revise my resolutions a bit.

I should probably just go for a total re-haul.

1. Begin Weight Watchers; stick with the plan for a full month.

Financially, this is a luxury, so it's going on the back burner for the moment. Once I figure out a more exact budget, though, I want to eat healthier (i.e., ground turkey instead of beef, yogurt for breakfast, etc). It's tough for me not to go to food for comfort, especially in the face of difficulties, but things look brighter every day, and I know the darkness of life-at-the-moment won't last forever. Neil's on board as well, so I won't be going it alone.

2. Join the ARC, or work out at home at least 3 times a week.

Again, this is perhaps an expense better delayed. I got a Body Ball and will try that out soon. Otherwise, I still want to get up the motivation to exercise at home for 30 minutes or so per day; it's the 'feeling up to it' part that's been lacking lately.

3. Write out all thank-you notes; send out with photos.

I have a little box prepared with all the fixings, which I haven't started yet. I'm trying to decide if I should incorporate a photo into the card or just stick one in at the end; I think it would be way cuter to craft a card around a photo.

4. Work out Pensacola trip with Neil & family.

Not going to happen. The University doesn't need Dad for the Spring semester, so though it's a sacrifice to not go to Florida, he's very happy to not have work obligations this term!

5. Read/return at least one DBRL book every other week.

I'm currently 1/3 through with Forever in Blue, and wish I could have four hours to blissfully read it to the end.

6. Work on clearing apartment clutter (books, kitchen, fridge).

Again, other needs have pushed themselves to the forefront, though this is a no-cost resolution that would feel great to make progress on. I have thrown out a barely-used sack of Flaxseed Flour from the fridge, if that counts.

7. Purchase desktop PC/set up wireless internet.

Probably a no-go for a while. Although maybe we should ask Joe to help set up our wireless before he goes back to frigid Ohio.

8. Use restaurant.com coupons.

Again, more of a luxury. But it seems such a shame to waste them!

9. Clear Hotmail inbox regularly.

This, I can do. That thing fills up so freaking quick!

10. Complete work training; become comfortable with ref duty.

My first day of reference was last Wednesday; I'm feeling more comfortable even now. Our little group of librarians is such a community that everyone asks everyone else about their ref questions, so I don't feel like such a noob doing the same.

11. Begin 30,000-mile tune-ups for Corolla.

Achhh...really, really should do this. Wow. I'm already coming up on 3,000 miles after just one month! Such is the life of a commuter, I guess. (OH...and Neil went to Ohio in that car! I almost forgot. Thank goodness!)

12. Minor things: keep up with DVR recordings; keep up with EWs.

I was down to under 50% while Neil was out of town! This hasn't happened since the first week we had the machine! Now it's back up to past 80%. As for EWs, I'm purging a few a week.

13. Purge/clip old magazines.

Major back burner here, but I'd like a crappy-weather-Sunday to devote to this.

14. Floss regularly, or use WaterPik. Visit the dentist!

I am busting out my Pik to-NIGHT! I'm making it part of my nightly bathroom bedtime ritual, which right now consists of nothing more than swish mouthwash, twirl hair into a claw, and wash hands.

15. Use my spare time for good, and not evil.

I've been doing all right so far. :)

16. E-mail friends more regularly, and with substance--and more promptly. I love writing; why don't I make more time for it?

I'm afraid with my new, crazier work schedule, that this will go by the wayside. I really don't like rushing through letters; I like to devote as much time as I want to each one, instead of grabbing ten minutes to shoot Linds/Betsy/Mel a note or whatever. Maybe I should take one lunch hour a week and instead of decompressing through WordTwist, see how writing works for a relaxant...

17. Keep my relationship with Neil open, strong, loving, and healthy.

We've been through a tough week, and we're better for it. I'm confident our support system will maintain through all life has to throw at us.

18. Be a good or better friend.

I'm so maddeningly general, aren't I?

19. Pay off some of our debt.

Wellll...this may not be a goal for the near future, but I'm not giving up on it for the year. I'll see what I can do on a very strict budget!

20. Quit Sprint!

I need to make this leap, especially since my phone dies if you tap it gently in the wrong spot. And now it's not giving me my voicemails. Lovely!


New resolves:

21. Draw out a budget plan with revised finances

Not knowing where we stand every month makes my stomach curl into knots, and I don't want to live that way right now. I've never lived with a strict budget before, and I look forward to the challenge of it. It may even make me adopt better habits for a more financially secure future, since I've never been fantastic with money.

22. Keep up the 8-hour-a-night habit

I'm loving feeling tired at 9:00 and not sleeping in much past 8:00 on the weekends. My body's adjusting so well to my new schedule; I have ever been a night owl, and I was worried that with this brand-new full-time commitment, I'd spend each day at work trying to wake myself up for eight hours.

23. Mercilessly coupon-clip, but don't buy things I won't use, just because I have a coupon.

It's exhilarating finding a fantastic deal at the store--like when a package of lunch meat is on sale for $1.00 and I have a 50-cents off coupon that's doubled. Free!

An easy meme.

You don't even have to THINK for this one! Which I am certainly in the mood for.

I don't think anyone reads my Tag-blog, so I'm putting this here...

[found on Reviewer X, this adorable smartypants who reviews teen-lit on her blog]

Directions:

Type in "[your name] ... " followed by these terms, all in quotes, in Google search (results in bold, my comments in regular typeface):

**there weren't any hard-and-fast rules listed, so I'm not necessarily choosing the first result if it doesn't make sense or is really dull.**

"...looks like"

"Genevieve looks like a freaking empress." Always, my darlings. Always.

"Genevieve looks like she is wearing a diaper !" Ach. Too many Holiday Pies, I spose.

(The others were lame, like "This is what Genevieve looks like in Japanese.")


"...says"

"And, as Genevieve says, she’s trying to provoke us." Again--ALWAYS.

(I did not choose "Genevieve says hi." Boring.)

"...wants"

"if genevieve wants to break into hollywood she will have to first change her accent totally" You don't think my voice is camera-ready? Fine, skank.

"Genevieve wants to return the favor now and so she presents Madeline with a perfume bottle that was given to her by Popo."

"...does"

"Genevieve does have a whiskey-like quality in the palate with a long, intense juniper finish." I'm not going to argue with that. I'm just saying--this isn't the first time someone's told me.

"bittersweet genevieve does it again... genevieve has done it again"

"...hates"

"Genevieve hates splashing" I mean...I don't LIKE being splashed. But I was never one of those girly-girls who 'ewwww'-ed every time a boy splashed 'em.

"I hear Geneviève hates kittens." I am allergic to cats and I don't like that they aren't friendly. This much is true. but no one hates KITTENS.

"...asks"

Eh, these are boring...

"Genevieve asks incredulously. 'Yeah, you just have to know how to play them.'"

"Genevieve asks, 'Are you going back to New York?'"

"...likes"

"Miss Genevieve likes to throw her food and drinks overboard when eating." I am such a princess.

"Genevieve likes to ensure her feet are bare before entering a house or starting a job." I DO like to take off my shoes first thing...

"...eats"

"Genevieve Eats Foot and Food" I definitely like eating feet, but please don't assume I eat something as weird as FOOD.

"Plus the fact that even if genevieve eats in class, she has the integrity to pay up. Unlike somebody who just doesn`t wants to pay that 50c." I pay that 50c EVERY TIME I eat in class. Every time!

"...wears"

"Genevieve wears a cute Rose Red Dress, that you can spin and light up when you press the button on her leg." That...THAT'S what this button does?!!

On her feet, Genevieve wears hand cobbled leather slippers. I wonder if they light up, too. It may explain the button on my pinkie toe.

"...was arrested for"

"[Genevieve was] ARRESTED FOR ELOPING" I didn't--I thought--eloping is legal, right? Why are you yelling at me?


"...loves"

"genevieve loves meeee" --Damn, this was seriously the best one on there. Disappointing. I was hoping for funnier. I chose not to go with the "Genevieve loves her new phone/camera phone/ipod" options, of which there were many.

Aaaand...

Life's back to suckage.

I do not doubt, however, that we'll physically get through this. I'm working for a reason, and when shit happens, we're more prepared than before. I am worried, though, about our sanity. It's hard for me to believe that life can be this difficult.


I read this off Dear Abby, and it applied so much to what we're facing, it was scary.


JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only just for today. And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.



I don't know if I'm ready, yet, to make any or all of these promises. But I want to, and I want to keep this up so that when we start to stand back up from the smack-down, I can do a better job of following this.