Lately, I've been focusing more on the Now than on the Someday. It's just little things, like stopping doing something I used to like because it's turned into a chore and that I felt I had to finish.

Or, in the case of this blog, not going back to something I really want to do because of some silly notion that it's been too long...that I won't be good at it anymore...that no one is even around anymore to read it.
But you know...*I* will like reading it again.

I was never good at keeping a physical journal, and always envied those who were, even though I think I'd like doing it on a regular basis. I'm a non-writing writer. And despite my knack for remembering the piddliest of details about 7th grade science and why I was crying at the Drood cast party,  I know that the majority of my history is lost forever.
That makes me sad, but in reading past entries here, I can see that the very act of writing (usually to a prompt) made me dig up some of those lost memories I never thought I'd be able to relive.

I don't have a personal computer at the moment, which makes this a bit difficult. But I think I'd like to try again anyway. Both to remember the old and to take note of the present. This exciting, crazy, dream-come-true present of living in my favorite city in the world. Working a job I've wanted ever since I was a teenager (albeit in pretty unhealthy surroundings, currently). Visiting old friends I didn't know I'd get a chance to see again.  Seeing my family change and thrive even when I'm not living a mile and a half away from them!

I'm 36 today, and on the cusp of an exciting couple of weeks...Lindsay comes tomorrow for the weekend (we've been wanting to do NYC together for EVER!); Whitney, Kat, and I will have a NYU-reunion on Sunday night; I leave next Thursday for a weekend in Columbia, where I'll see Sarah and her not-new-anymore baby, Emily if the stars align, Steve as Joseph (a show I abhor but I'd do anything to hear him sing Close Every Door again), and of course Dad, Lil, and Gibbo. Oh, and gyros!

I cannot promise photos.  I leave that to the professionals and people who know how to transfer SD cards to iPhoto AND THEN to Blogger.  (Too many steps for me!  I only like to use one dish when I cook.) But I can say that I'd like to come back and share the experience.

Losing my shit.

I started a new job last Wednesday, at a super-fast-paced and crazy-growing mortgage company that acts as the--broker? middleman? I don't even know--SOMETHING for veterans.
I know. YAWN. But it's actually pretty exciting, and my position is surprisingly similar to cataloging.

The company has this reputation for being really fun and easygoing with a zillion perks, and all that is true. Right now we're housed in like five separate buildings in town (including the old Skatin' Station!), though, and I have to think that all the fun is just happening in locations *other* than the one I'm working in. Which is fine--I don't need zany costumes and paper airplanes and karaoke or whatever shit. Eventually more of us will be in the same building, and I'm sure the dynamic will change.

But I so didn't know what I was getting myself into.

My position is a new one, and we're all just feeling our way through for now. I thought this would be a nice challenge, and that because the company is so relaxed, it wouldn't be a big deal. That's what I was assured of in my interview as well. I got along with everyone famously back then, and really wanted to be hired.

My actual work is extremely challenging and fulfilling. The day zips by in what feels like minutes, and I never even have more than a moment to sit down for lunch. I make my own hours as long as I work 40 a week, and they're cool with overtime. My third day, I was put in charge of eight student workers and interns for a huge project...one that had never been done before and that I (of course) knew absolutely nothing about. I'm feeling my way blindly for goddamned sure, but it's trial by fire and I'm learning quickly. THAT part I dig.

But my boss...oh GOD, my boss. She is....

[Okay. She's a good, friendly person. I really liked her in my interview. We get along well, I'd say. Which is why I'm surprising myself at how viciously I have come to detest her in such a short period of time, when it comes to work.

I was told this position would be fairly independent...I wouldn't have much supervision and as long as I had a handle on what I was doing, I could do it how I wanted. PERFECT. This is how I thrive. As I said, I was thrust into this project in GO GO GO mode, and to be frank, I'm killing it. I'm proud of the work I'm doing, the people I'm supervising, and the rate we're going to complete it sooner than expected.]

But....my supervisor is like a helicopter mom. CONSTANTLY in my face..."So, you getting along good? Whatcha working on? Any issues today? When's so-and-so coming in? Did anyone tell you about the quirky microwave in the kitchen? Why are you using a calculator for that part? There shouldn't be any math. How many do we have left to do? How many have the interns done today?" And, fine, I realize that some of this stuff, she should know. She needs to know if I'm having issues. Maybe she needs to report on the interns' schedules. I'm all for open communication, and I DO appreciate a boss who is always in the loop.

But it's ALL THE TIME. Every half hour, some days. And she doesn't IM me with these questions (or at least freaking IM me and tell me she's on the way over), or e-mail, or set up a meeting, she just comes over, leans her butt on my desk, and yammers away...not caring a whit if I was in the middle of a very tedious Excel process which I need to start over if I'm interrupted. NOT THAT THIS HAPPENED OR ANYTHING EVERY SINGLE DAY MULTIPLE TIMES OMG I AM NEVER GOING TO GET THIS DONE. And I *could* handle it better if it were just interruptions that I could answer quickly and move on. But inevitably she brings over, maybe every other interruption, a *major* change she just decided on. Which I then have to communicate separately to each person on the project--all of whom have different hours, no consistent e-mail system or access, and no IM. Every change also brings about an overhaul of how we've been doing the project, which she seems completely ignorant to. She breezes in with a "Oh, and btw, now we'll be checking this field against that field, thanks!" and when I tell her why that would be a fairly difficult thing to do given the information we're working with, I get a "Think positive, Genevieve! We're thinking positive about all this. Handle it, KTHXBAI!"

Her personality is very high-stress and 'flitty'...not unpleasantly so, just maddeningly so. She's always smiling and I don't believe her to be a negative person, but my heart rate goes up just by talking to her. Or hearing her nearby. Or now, recalling how she gets. I get stressed and kind of adopt her tone, and I can't even imagine what my blood pressure must be all day.

And I'm truly losing it. I had to have Neil come get me Friday after work because I couldn't drag myself the NINE MINUTES it takes to walk home. I was going absolutely crazy. The thing is...if she would just let me BE, I could work to get this project done faster than she could ever expect. I have it DOWN. I know what I'm doing! I need her to trust me, but more than that, I need her to drop the constant mothering that I think she puts on everyone in that department. I fear I won't last long if she doesn't.

But...I also fear it's her personality, and that it won't change. The thought of being surrounded by this amount of crazy for months down the road....oh, it just makes me panic. And the bitter irony of it is that if they let me just do this job as it was intended to be done, I could work the HELL out of it. I really do love it. :(

The worst part is, I feel the stress creep into my personal life. I'm hating quite a number of people right now...people who I normally like! Who have done NOTHING to make me angry. I'm judgey and bitter and jealous and savoring schadenfreude (with friends instead of enemies) and I feel ABSOLUTELY ugly and, for NO REASON, utterly alone. The bitch of it is that no one has made me feel this way! My friends have been supportive and loving and comforting and everything I know them to be. Neil takes good care of me, the kittens are cuddly and affectionate, my family's always glad to hear from me, and some really great and exciting things are on the horizon.

I hope it gets better. Or I gain patience and tolerance. I really don't want to sacrifice my sanity for a stupid, short-term job.

I wouldn't go back to my old job for anything. I know I didn't make a mistake leaving it. I just wish I was in a different place *now.*


BLECH.

Ooo, deep.

I don't really know why I wanted to answer these. They're not my style. But for some reason, I'm here. Answering them.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

25

Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Oh gimme a break, no one is going to put "failing." Even though I really really don't like keeping trying and trying and failing.

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

IKNOWRITE

When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

Yeah, probs. I talk big talk, people. And I write big writes. Doing...eh, not so much.

What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

Religious conflict. I think that's the root to soooooo many problems. Why can't those who choose to be devout leave those who have a different set of beliefs BE??? Do they really think they can change how someone thinks? How effing disrespectful. I hate it.

If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Reading. Puzzling (crossword; kakuro). Scrapbooking.

Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

These days, it's the latter. But it's because of the physical space I work in, not because of my career choice.

If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

God, that's depressing. I don't even feel growed up at 34.

To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

A lot of it. I settled in Columbia by choice, after trying out various other avenues by choice. Went looking for significant others proactively, and met my soul partner thusly. I went to school for the career that I now have--a job which fell into my lap.

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Umm....that first one.

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

Defend her ferociously. No one talks bad about my peeps. I'd make them feel guilty about doing so, too.

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Wow, no pressure. Umm...."Your parents don't know everything, sweetheart. They know a lot. But not everything."

Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Um, yeah...duh!

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

Yeah...Emo Philips, for one.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

Hold a pencil/knife; put my socks and shoes on; kiss

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

Uhh...we're all different people here...just because I like drinking olive brine straight from the jar doesn't mean I'm baffled that other people don't. If everyone got happy at the exact same things, how boring a world would we live in?!!

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What's holding you back?

I want to get a tattoo. I'm scared of the pain....the cost...and that i might cry every time I see it

Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

HA! Story of my FREAKING LIFE! Have you seen our storage unit?? My scrapbook room?? And yes...emotionally...yes.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Country: Canada. Don't know much about it, but you can't say anything bad about universal health care and no guns. Oh, and P.E.I.!!!

State: California, the Carolinas, NY (but only C), some other new-englandy state, PacNW, NM, Ill(but only Chicago), Wisconsin or Iowa if I develop a tolerance for winter.

I'd move for a great job, or family, or weather.

Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

I used to, but I'm older and more cynical now.

Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

Joyful simpleton, hands down a million times. There's little joy in being smart. (I hope that doesn't sound snobby.)

Why are you, you?

Wow. Heavy.

Nurture, but mostly nature.

Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

I try to be. But sometimes I'm really not. And I hate myself for it. :(

Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

Losing touch. I can deal with a LDR/friendship (shout-out to most everyone who reads this! Love you!)

What are you most grateful for?

Love in my life.

Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

Holy yikes! I guess lose old ones. I don't want to live for the past.

Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

Nope.

Has your greatest fear ever come true?

Yeah. But I have several. Just please do not let me ever be in a car sinking into water and I'll be okay.

Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

I TOTALLY do, damnit! And no it effing doesn't! LET IT GO, GEN!!!

What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

1. When Mom came to pick me up to tell me about Lily in her tummy. She made me feel incredibly special.

2. Mom wakes me up at 3...4...something...AM, and in the chilly darkness we throw on sweats and head out to the University observatory. Hailey's Comet could be seen that night through the ginormous, scary telescope (not calling it Halley's no matter how wrong that makes me), and it was thrilling to be out with other families in the middle of the night experiencing this crazy thing together. Hardee's on the way home for breakfast, and then she lets me watch Mighty Mouse when I get home. It's Saturday morning and I've never seen Sat AM cartoons this early. Again...I felt special....coddled...on a secret mission.

At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

Hmm....I haven't danced recently...or played a spirited game of Celebrity...or seen Rent...

Oh! Wait, yes...a few friends and I went to Mamma Mia at Jesse this year. Singing and dancing and watching old people dance...that was a trip!

If not now, then when?

IKNOWRITE

If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

Sorry charlie...there's generally something to lose.

Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

Heck yeah. ;)

Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

THIS IS WHAT I AM SAYING.

Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

Hell no.

If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

Hell yes.

Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

The more work enjoy thing.

Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

Not this day because it's all Christmassy up in here. But if not for the Christmas part...then yes. Yes yes yes. I've lived it daily for three years.

When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

I'm pretty scared of the dark. Physically and metaphorically.

If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

Hi, I hate this question.

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

Eff no.

What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Being alive is merely physical. Living is making the most out of that alive body and soul.

When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

If I know it's right...then it's time as soon as I realize that.

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

Cuz it sucks, yo!

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Dance in public

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

Just a moment ago when I was thinking about childhood memories. :)

What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

What do I love? Really? I'm impatient with these questions. I love a lot. A lot of people, a lot of things. And yes, I try and always express it.

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before

that? Or the day before that?

With some prodding, yes. My memory is the bane of my existence.

Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Until a month ago I would have said I'm letting others make them. But now I'm trying to make them for myself. A year ago...same thing.

June 16 - June 24

What are some secrets that you've never shared with anyone?

Um...this is not a question I want to answer. I'll make up another one instead!

Substitute question:

What are your favorite numbers?

7 and 9. They are both so pretty! Girl numbers.

What songs would be included in the sound track to your life?

Number one: I'm not much of a music person. I don't identify with it, at any rate. I don't listen to a song and think "OMIGAWD THAT IS SOOOOOO ME." I don't get inspiration from effing Miley Cyrus singing about some Climb.

Number two: 'sound track' should be one word.

I'm not starting out this blog post very well. Two bad questions. Let's see if the third is better...

What are your favorite restaurants?

OK, I can handle this one.

Fast[er] food: McDonald's [except that icky Coke], Chipotle [I never remember what my favorite meat is called but it doesn't even matter because it's all super], the current incarnation of Domino's [genius!], Taco Bell [Volcano Nachos and a Classic Limeade Sparkler PLEEZ!], Panera [Chicken Frontega sandwich, bread bowl of Broccoli Cheese, and a loaf of unsliced Asiago to go!], In & Out [Animal style, obvies], The Great Greek [Saganaki! In LA, unfortch], Sbarro [Regular pepperoni with the crust dipped in the cupped cheese sauce. I know, it sounds weird], Mr. Goodcents [it was better in HS than it is now--but still, so good], Jimmy John's [THE VITO!], Portillo's [Italian beef with mozz, chocolate cake shake, the HOT DOGS...even the freaking salads are amazing], Au Bon Pain [never a disappointment], and whatever sandwich shop in England sells this one chicken sandwich that somehow cannot be replicated in the States. [EVERY SANDWICH SHOP sells them there, for serious.]

Sit-downs: Dewey's Pizza [I mourn that my favoritest ever, salami and pepperoni, was merely a seasonal selection], Shakespeare's [Sausage and pepperoni, room temperature], International Cafe [gyro gyro gyro!], India's Kitchen (formerly Rasoi) [Lamb Korma. Forever and always], Macaroni Grill [penne with extra buffalo mozz and arrabiata], Cheesecake Factory, CPK [call me boring, but their pepperoni is fabulous], Dharma Blue [in Pensacola. so amazing], Booche's [can't believe i hadn't tried this Columbia tradition until I was in my 20s!], Steak n Shake [Wisconsin Buttery or Cheesy Cheddar], Bleu [when they were good, that is], Sophia's [Brandy Cream Filet...Caesar salad...that one dessert they renamed and I forgot what it's called, but it's a brownie coated in ganache and then filled with hazelnut cream and O...M...G], 42 Stone [rarebit!], TGIFriday's, Flat Branch [cookie sundae], Bangkok Gardens [phat thai], Jimbo's [RIP, Grinnell Style Pepperoni].

OH MY GOOD LORD I AM HUNGRY NOW.

What were your favorite games to play at recess?

EEEEE SO FUN!!!

Okay here's what it was. It kinda switched up according to what was cool. So sometimes we'd all play four square and there would be a huge line for it, and we'd play by different rules and some were babyish (Unit A rules) and very proper, and some were WILD AND CRAZY (Unit Z rules!) and you could be really mean.

When I was super young, the girls would try to do tricks on the bars. I could do a penny flip but that was it. I bet that's deemed as 'too dangerous' nowadays. Oh, and a couple times a group of us [always girls] would go out to the corner of the field and play 'Light as a feather, stiff as a board.' That was so stupid. :)

If Alena and I were feeling cliqueish, we'd run to get the pair of swings and gossip. When she chose others to join us, we'd crawl inside the big cement tunnel and also gossip.

Oooh! Chinese jump rope. LOVED IT. I would so totally play that again. You had to wear your Keds while playing, though. Regular sneaks were too wide and you had to make your feet as skinny as possible so you wouldn't jump on the rope. That game was really hard to practice alone because you needed two pairs of feet holding each end.

When the New Equipment was installed in 5th grade, of course we had to break that in. And a tetherball pole was included, so *that* became The Thing To Do. There would always be a line, and when one person won, they got to keep playing until they lost. The line would chant "Go Sarah, no offense Jennifer!" and I always wondered what "noah fence" meant. But I said it anyway. Dad put a tetherball pole in our backyard too, but I never got super good. I always loved it though.

That was a really good question.

If you had to teach, what classes would you teach?

How To Play Celebrity

Slow, Slow Scrapbooking

How To Print Double-Sided

Why the Dewey Decimal System Sucks Balls

How To Find A Really Cheap Hotel Room

What activities make you lose track of time?

Online game play. Of any sort.

Phone-talking to a good phone-talker.

Blogging.

Pea-ing.

Being in the water.

Archiver's. :)

Spending time with good friends who I don't get to see very much. Yes, that means you!

What are the worst hairdos you have ever had?

Oh man. OH MAN.

My current hairdo isn't my favorite. I don't like how it looks when it's down. At least it's not driving me crazy. BUT, I'm kind of liking my shampoo-off days...I do a half-Snooki pouf in front and do the rest in two pigtails. They're really short and kind of squirt out of the pony holder (Goody Stay-Put, black) and I think it's kinda cute.

I've never loved my hairdo. I've loved my actual hair, but I hate dealing with it when it's down, so I put it up--and I hate how that looks when it's long. Totally unflattering. So that's one.

7th grade. Oh dear.

I always had good hair--manageable, a bit wavy, thick (which I later learned to be FINE hair, but a TON if it, so it looks thick). I had it shoulder-length and it was absolutely fine. I had it permed and it looked totally cute.

Then...1989 happened. I went to get a cut at Fantastic Sam's and she asked if I wanted layers. "Um...sure" I said, not really knowing what she meant. Nothing anyone had ever done to my hair had made it any less pretty or anything, so what the hell?

Except...she meant, dramatic layers. 1980s layers. Layers that feathered and thinned as they got longer. Layers that might have been on trend at that time, but were meant to be slaved over every day to get the right look. And if you didn't do that slaving...well, you looked like THIS:

[I probably should scan one of my photos from that era and put it in here. But everyone knows this isn't a photo blog. And I'm camera-shy, people! Come on.]

So, no photo. Just understand that I looked TURRIBLE. Yep, with a "U." I don't even deserve proper spelling. TURRIBLE. I looked kind of like a dog? Like a wet dog or cat? but not cute. I had yet to grow into my nose (I think it's okay now) and I didn't care how I dressed and it was just...like, so bad. If I could relive it I would, because then I could be like "OK Gen! Let's get that hair CHOPPED off instead of trying to grow out the layers. Let's buy some clothes at places other than Fashion Gal, and jump on that pinch-rolling bandwagon much sooner than you did. Don't be afraid of the curling iron! Or mascara! Let's get a lot of pastel-plaid printed stuff and a white cardigan and ROCK THE PREP! You are a size four, for God's sake! YOU WILL NEVER BE THIS SIZE AGAIN!"

And then....AND THEN...I permed it. A perm looked fine before, I thought...it'll be fine again. Oh, no. No it wasn't. I now had a mullet-y 'fro. I don't know how long I kept that before getting a 'reverse perm' (I don't think they offered a permanent hair straightening thing back then), but it wasn't long.

I learned in the course of 7th grade that I should do the doughnut-roll bang thing, and did that every day of 8th grade. yep, it was bad--but I had Lawman jeans and Gap khakis and real Polo shirts so I looked more like everyone else. But the bad hair didn't fully grow out until 9th grade.

Last one for today:

What are your favorite memories from the past year?

L.A. at Christmas for a week. Our hotel was SO charmingly quirky and Sherman Oaks a surprising delight.

Orlando/Groveland in February. I sooooo needed that visit. I needed Lindsay, I needed Olivia and Sophia, I needed orange groves...I needed Florida in February. And I hope to continue to do so. :)

Visiting Shanners and Will in Illinois/Indiana. Love you, gurl.

Getting to know Lucy and seeing Noah grow. Taking Em to Red Lead Paperworks.

Sarah's bachelorette party at the Hotel Frederick, bridal shower at Les Bourgeois (and I hate showers! I KNOW!), and wedding weekend in Wichita. Oh, and the visit when she asked me to be a bridesmaid because I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ONE!!!

St Louis trips with Neil, ending with our most recent one to see the PJ movie. It was all so perfect!

And...PARTS of the beach house week in Oak Island and the day and a half in Florida. There were *parts* that were absolutely wonderful. :)

I know I'm forgetting something awesome. Dang it. Oh well...

June 6 - June 15

Holy crap I got a good night's sleep. I have, as usual, been getting a shameful amount per night since Saturday--5 hours tops. It's KILLING ME! Last night we ran a coupla errands after work, got home at 6:20, kept our eyes propped open for DVR'ed Jersey Shore...and crashed. I feel asleep twice before finally getting officially ready for bed at 9, even though the Cardinals had just scored over the Astros and Atlanta had lost making us SOSOSOCLOSE to the playoffs. Tonight will tell.

I slept until 5:30 today, getting up willingly and cheerfully after some weird-ass dreams. Because of my schedule/tiredness, I didn't get an evening workout in yesterday, AGAIN, and burned 2825. But that's better than my normal sitting rate of 2200-something, right??

What foreign cities would you like to visit someday?

Cairo, or wherever the Great Pyramids/Sphinx are.
Anywhere in Luxembourg, or southern France.
Barcelona (and anywhere in Spain).
Dublin (and anywhere in Ireland).
Bath and London and Stratford again.
Anywhere in Prince Edward Island. I check plane fares every so often...
Toronto. Vancouver.
Athens, then a beachside small town in Greece.
A charming small coastal town in Italy.
A tropical island, but Hawaii would probably be fine...so 'foreign' isn't a requirement.
Jalisco, Mexico. And Tlaquepaque. I can't believe I spelled that right!


Which qualities inspire you the most?

Resourcefulness/thrift. Hard working. Living every moment to the fullest. Choosing to be (and stay) happy. Deep and honest kindness/selflessness. Fearlessness. The ability to let go of unimportant things.


What makes you happiest in a relationship?

I'm going to take this to mean a romantic one...
Lots of good kissing. The ability to talk about everything and nothing. Taking care of one another. Common interests. A private language.


What do you think about the current state of the economy?

I guess that it sucks. It hasn't affected me directly very dramatically, except that Nixon (who I used to be supportive of) took away our day-after-Thanksgiving vacation day and switched insurance so we all have deductibles, so he could save money on the state budget. But it's made me more aware of the utterly ridiculous things the government *does* spend money on instead. Like having a special legislative session now in which nothing's getting done--and that's costing us $25,000 a day.


What days of your life would you like to live over again?

Whoa, this is hard! And cool. And deeper than I had imagined.

The day Neil and I talked about how we really felt...early on. And the day he first told me he loved me, and the day we first talked about marriage. Last Tuesday was awfully amazing, too...and lots of days like that, in between!

I don't know what year it was, but that one Christmas Eve we had Olive Garden, then piled into the van giggling madly...went to Unity to hear Steve sing (and sat by the window beside the amazingly-lit tree outside)...and drove around in high spirits looking at Christmas lights. There may have also been Milk Punch involved. It's a similar experience every year. :)

Iowa City scrapbook-shopping spree, Chicago scrap shopping, Des Moines scrap shopping with Linz, and the day in St Louis that Emily and I stumbled on a scrap store with *everything*, even a ton of current items, 60-75% off, and THEN she took me to Archiver's for the first time ever. And the day Ali and I cropped at Archiver's was pretty damned fun.

My first time being driven into NYC. Holy MOLY. I was so in love I wanted to cry. Mom took me, Steve, and Steve's friend Patty, and from the moment the car picked us up at the airport and we started to see the city lights, I felt an ache like my heart would burst. Our hotel was right off Times Square and incredibly charming. Even though it was late by the time we arrived (and we were planning on going to the Today Show early the next morning), we were so hyped up that we walked down to 30 Rockefeller Plaza that night. A crew was building a stage, and we asked what it was for--Riverdance, they told us. Steve, ever the gregarious one, started chatting with one of the construction guys, who offered to let us into the studio. We walked right into the area that Katie and Al and Matt and Ann sat every day, in complete wonder that we were able to get an insider's look on our very first day.

Arriving in LA for the first time...in awe of the flowery smell everywhere and the big-city feel, but not intimidatingly so. Eating a late dinner at a fantastic restaurant with open-to-the-street french doors.

And some days...I can't mention. ;)


If you could get a message across to a large group of people; what would your message be?

FIRSTofall, that semicolon is bugging the crap out of me. But I will resist my compulsions and leave it. Ihatethisfeeling.

My message would be that The Pioneer Woman is a fakery. I've seen the Drummonds' assets and it's absolutely unbelievable. I resent that she puts forth this image of "just lil ole me here in my house having to take care of my whole family all by my lonesome" when she's actually a dad-gum millionaire, with help in all areas of her home, and whose recipes are never original--word-for-word taken from other lesser known cookbooks. And then if people still love her...at least they know the truth.


What foods will you not try?

You thought I was picky before? I'll SHOW you picky!!! Also--please don't take this as a Challenge List. I won't hesitate to direct the inevitable vomit at your shoes.

Eggplant. Prunes. Mussels. Raw oysters (as well as cooked). Pickled pigs' feet. Sardines. Scallops. A portabello mushroom sandwich. Any type of bug that people sometimes eat. Escargot. Fruit jelly/jam/preserves (besides grape, and even then, I use it sparingly). Cherry pie or cobbler (or any other kind of fruit pie/cobbler except apple and gooseberry). Eggs with a bunch of vegetable crap in them. Sushi. Steak tartare. Supreme pizza, or veggie pizza. Turkey (from a box) or tuna (any) tetrazzini. Ravioli with veggies or meat in. Anything savory cooked with ginger. Seaweed. Caviar. Pumpkin in a non-sweet environment. KFC's Double Down sandwich. Those Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans that taste like Dirt and Grass and Earwax and Vomit and Spaghetti and Soap and Booger and Earthworm and Sardine. Marshmallow fondant (or anything marshmallow I haven't had the misfortune to try yet).


Which brands of toothbrush and toothpaste do you use?

Okay, this is hard for me to answer. Well, toothbrush is easy. Sonicare...so fab.

Toothpaste...my favorite is and has ALWAYS BEEN Colgate paste (the white kind) with something extra like Cavity Prevention or Tartar Control or Whitening or whatever. But I get sucked in by New and Different things all the time. Usually for toothpastes I get a small travel-size of the New and Different, inevitably find that it's not as good as my Old Standard, but use it up because I don't want to throw out something that I can handle for a while until I get back to my regular.

BUT.

I placed an order on Soap.com, and made the regrettable mistake of ordering *three* kinds of New and Different Colgate, ALL FULL SIZE.
None of which I really like.
And, to top it off, one of the New and Differents, though having a different name, is actually the same kind as another one of the New and Differents...so I have to choke down another whole full size of something I didn't like in the first place. I've opened all of them, so I can't donate them.

I know, I know. I should just dump them and learn a lesson from this. But somehow I can't.

Anyone know of any uses for Cinnamon Mint or Cinnamon Spice Colgate? I don't have any silver that needs de-tarnishing, and I'm happy with my picture-placement around the house. No holes need to be caulked.

(in searching for a review of this product, I came across Orson Scott Card's blog. He's a funny mofo! He has similar hang-ups as I do, too. Get ready for a new follower, Mr. Card!)


What are your favorite ice cream flavors?

Already answered this. A review: Tax Crunch, Mint Chocolate Chip, Mint Cookie, and Vermonty Python. (Rest in Peace, Retired Ben & Jerry's Best Flavor Ever.)

May 26 - June 5

Only 2940 burned yesterday. Gack. I did work on crafty stuff throughout the evening, which needs to get done, but I didn't leave enough time for an hour-long workout. We did watch The Playboy Club, though; not as delicious or soapy as I'd wanted, but it was entertaining enough. (Also, The Office is absolutely not the same without Michael. I kept thinking something was missing.)

What are the boldest things you have ever done?

(OK, first, I am absolutely NOT bold.)

Had my hair dyed red. Online-to-IRL dated. Wore fishnets. Sung a solo on the Maplewood stage. Told the unpleasant truth. Confronted the people.

What have been the highlights of your week?

Since last Tuesday...

1. Trip to StL...Moonrise suite...cupcakes...PJ20 documentary...having one of the best Bloody Marys of my life on the rooftop terrace after the show, overlooking the Loop...the BEST BED ever...4 oz. filet and boursin/basil/tomato ravioli room service...lovely crisp fall weather the day after...playing with Lucy Lu, Emz, and and Noah in Fitz's...Trader Joe's/Archiver's on the way home. Felt like a weekend in the middle of the week!

2. "Just Breathe" and "Better Man"--my two favorite Pearl Jams at the moment. I love being really excited about new music. It doesn't happen often for me.

3. Windows and doors open all the time in the apartment.

4. Trees are starting to change to red. Fields to golden brown.

5. I never thought I'd say this, but Jon Bones Jones beating Quentin Rampage Jackson, UFC, Saturday night. He's a beautiful fighter--all legs and arms. And bonus: not too much blood!

6. FINALLY got myself to the storage unit to unload 7-8 boxes that had been in our entryway area. So good to get rid of them!

7. Settling into a craft project and watching TV with Neil last night. It's looking good, I think!

8. The work session I just had with my boss. I'm excited about some things!

OK, that's all for now.


What allergies do you have?

Oh, probably some outdoor stuff, when the seasons change. Maybe ragweed or something. Also cats. If I have a cold already, I cannot *breathe* around cats. If I'm around them too much under normal circumstances, I have to constantly wash my hands because I pet them on account of the softness. I also have a slight dermatographic reaction when lightly scratched (like by a cat or a sliver of wood), if that counts.


What radio stations do you listen to?

Very few these days. Y107 or 92.7 when I'm in a Poppy mood...93.1 for random stuff like Milli Vanilli and Poison...and I try to find a jazz station when driving from StL. But mostly it's audiobooks and music cds in the car.


What are the first things you notice about people?

Their face and body. Pretty/cute? Slim/average/heavy? I don't judge, I just notice. Light eyes. Lustrous or otherwise interesting hair. Do they dress funny or fabulously? Smiles that catch you off-guard with their dazzle. Wedding ring? Cross around their neck? Visible tattoos?


What are your favorite magazines to read?

Scrapbooking ones as long as they aren't lame. EWeekly. GAMES! Organize [defunct]. Budget Living [defunct]. Rosie's [defunct]. Sassy and Jane (defunct, defunct). Us/OK (yes, I know. Judge away). Those having to do with household tips, as long as they aren't too kid-centered.


What are some difficulties and hardships you've overcome or are in the process of overcoming?

Depression, anxiety, SOCIAL anxiety, obesity, *chosen* isolation (if that makes sense...), collecting bordering on obsessions, trusting, holding grudges for too long, staying on task, becoming too attached, laziness.


What are arguments your parents had that you would try and avoid with your partner?

Interesting question, but pretty irrelevant. I've talked to Dad a lot about this. He and Mom didn't really fight. It's not that their relationship was perfect, but any disagreements I heard them have were small and playful. And I think any grievances they had needed to discuss, they did so privately or in therapy.


What are subjects you wish you knew more about?

There are plenty of things I'm ignorant of--history, current events, calculus, physics, to name a few--but I'm happily ignorant. I really don't want to stress about current events. That may make me shallow, but I know I'd obsess over it. I'd be one of those people who watched CNN or Fox News (oh god not fox news, never mind) all day. I have enough stresses; I'd like to use my free time to work on being happy.

So what DO I want to know more about? Other teams in baseball. The entertainment business (the juicy stuff). Gadgetry/technology. Cataloging procedures. Writing a novel. Therapeutic methods. Staying healthy.




(P.S. Google's birthday photo today is super lame. Like a sad party in a room dimly lit with fluorescents. We know they have better stuff up in there! C'mon, man.)

May 21-May 25

I super need to burn some cals here, folx. (I'm trying a new abbreviation of "folks." Did it work?) All this week, my goal is to burn 3400 a day. Wish me luck!

What do you think are the most important values in a relationship or friendship?

Loyalty. Kindness. The ability to laugh together. Being present. Presents. (just kidding! kinda. GIMME PREZZIES!) Not taking one another for granted. Belief in one another. Support.

What are the last things you purchased?

Cabochons.

What are your favorite crayon colors?

EEEE! I love this one too!
I won't re-evaluate for Current Times, because I'd probably choose stuff like Olive Green and Burnt Sienna, which my 9-year-old self would be TOTALLY APPALLED BY. So.

Midnight Blue. Green-Blue (or Blue-Green. Whichever was the bluer one.) Sky Blue. Magenta. Red.

Oh, man...I'm forgetting other names now. I'm going to check and see if I missed any. Wikipedia to the rescuuuuuuuuue!

Whoa, they have Almond now?? Neat!
Um...Beaver? Hmm...
I was totally right about the Green-Blue. I always thought it was weird that THAT was the bluer one.
Oh CRAP, there's a Cerulean now? Blast! I always KNEW I would love that color after Jane Banks described it in a Mary Poppins book. Another blue, too.
Ha! "Chestnut" was renamed from "Indian Red." Way to be PC, Crayola!
Ugh, there are so many of these that I just hated. Cornflower Blue SUCKED.
Manatee?! how cute!
Ooh, Outer Space looks neat.
Plum--I liked it, but only when Red-Violet was not available. Not Violet-Red. Red-Violet was darker/purplier. I would have loved Royal Purple too, I think, if it was invented before 1990.
That Silver was so much more metallic, and satisfying, than the other metallic ones.

Wow, WTH? I have never identified myself as liking blue. Not once. At least, I really don't like plain blue. Denim blue. Watery, shallow blue. Ick.

That's it, I need Crayolas for scrapbooking. Definitely.


What are the foods you hate?

FISH FISH FISH FISH fish. And all other sea creatures.
Raisins, as you [should] know.
Cooked fruit. Cooked fruit in desserts, except apple stuff.
Cooked carrots.
Yams/sweet potatoes.
Zucchini in anything other than bread. All squashes. I can take pumpkin when it's pureed and baked into something sweet like a pie or bread.
Buckwheat anything.
Celery.
Twizzlers.
Black licorice. WHY YOU SO CUTE, ALL-SORTS?
Plain pork chops.
Lemon poppyseed bread/muffins. Leave out the lemon, people! Not that hard.
Mushrooms, in every way that exists.
Green peppers. Also red.
Currant-flavored candy. Blue raspberry flavored things.
Dr. Pepper. Mountain Dew. Root Beer.
Beef Jerky (the dry kind. Not Slim Jims!)
Rusty Nails. (the drink. Although I imagine actual rusty nails aren't too delicious either.)
Chardonnay.
Mixed juices, except Cran-Apple or Cran-Grape.
Tea--iced, sweet, hot, whatever. It's dirty water, y'all. Dirty, dirty water.
Yorkshire pudding. Baaaaad experience.
Mushy apples. Red Delicious and Jonathan also are never good.
Skim milk.
Artichoke hearts (but I'm nuts for the leaves. Go figger.)
Miracle Whip.
Packaged cheap sliced lunchmeat, like bologna or turkey or cotto salami. As opposed to fresher, thinly sliced meat. But still no cotto salami or bologna pleez.
White chocolate.
Dry clementines. Always a disappointing end to citrus season.
Sweet salad dressing.
Ranch dressing, with a few exceptions. Just not on a salad.
Ketchup on or in anything but hamburgers and fries.
Meatloaf.
Meatballs.
Bread pudding.
Dressing/stuffing.
The onions and crouton in French Onion Soup.
Vegetable soup.


Awright, I'll stop. I am afraid of how long I could go with this...