Day 18

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

I could get all angry and soapbox-y here, but I don't think I will.

Gay marriage was just a vague thing to me for awhile....of course I supported it, but didn't really care about marriage itself one way or another. I probably would get married one day, but if I didn't, no big whoop. What is it but a formality? (That was rhetorical...)

At Grinnell, they showed free (sometimes new!) movies every weekend. My (mostly guy) friends were excited about an upcoming doc, "Chicks in White Satin," by Elaine Holliman. All we knew was the title, and that it was about lesbians, so we figured we were in for a hot movie of some sort.

The filmmaker herself was in attendance and available to talk to the audience at the end, as she was a Grinnell alum (much the same as Peter Coyote did the previous year after a Roman Polanski film he was in. Totally disturbing movie).

But the movie, which had been nominated for an Oscar, was so much different than any of us expected. There were lesbians, but instead of a free-for-all orgy, it starred two women who wanted to get married. It went through their wedding preparations and obstacles, and ended with the union.

I'm not going to get into the politics of this, because I wasn't even thinking of that at the time. What touched my cold 19-year-old heart the very most was when I realized: these women are *dying* to get married....because they WANT to. Not because it's expected of them by society, but DESPITE a thousand obstacles from the same damned society that tells me I should probably be wed by the time I'm 30. They just simply want to be committed for a lifetime. Nothing more, nothing less.


And that's pretty effing cool.

Day 17

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Ummmm.....

Wow. This is kind of a big deal. Changed my *views* on something? That's pretty dramatic.

Plus, I primarily read fiction/chick-litty stuff, which ain't exactly groundbreaking.
Well, wait. It can be.

I love to read and watch movies/TV as an escape. Not really to make me think, not to expand my horizons...I do enough of that already. I just want some relaxing and happy "get lost in another world" time. So I stick to entertainment that I know will most likely have a happy ending, and I really prefer it if no one dies. For awhile, I was reading a lot of the "Red Dress Ink" imprint from Harlequin, very Bridget-Jones-ish heroines, imperfect and sassy, sometimes slutty, mostly working in publishing (what's UP with that??)...you know. Those books are always quick and satisfying.

I was super intrigued by the back cover description of the next RDI in line, Inappropriate Men:

With her marriage spiraling toward divorce, sexually confident and unapologetically sized-24 Sidney Stein finds herself drawn into an illicit affair with Geoffrey Fahl -- not only married and twenty years her senior, but also her father's business partner. Perilously close to falling in love with this man who is so very wrong for her and knowing there's no future in the relationship, Sidney decides it's time to turn her life around.

Newly separated from her husband, Sidney dives into the dating pool. And after more than a dozen dates, a disastrous transitional guy and reconnecting with a high school crush, she can't help but wonder if it might not just be easier to let herself drown. But just as she stops looking for the ideal man, someone else arrives . . .and he might just be everything she never knew she always wanted.

Experience the love, joy and heartbreak of Sidney Stein in Stacey Ballis's debut novel. Neither pat nor predictable, Inappropriate Men is laugh-out-loud funny without compromising intelligence.

I'd never read a chick-lit book about a plus-sized heroine (and NO, Bridget's 130-lb "weight problem" doesn't count) who is *happy* with her body, and that word "unapologetically" in the back cover matter was a shocker to me. I wasn't far from that size at the time, and I couldn't imagine ANYONE in the double-digit sizes would be happy with their body. I hated my body, hated mirrors, hated my clothes, and just knew that I was unlucky in love because no man would ever want someone as fat as me. And, ironically, I was never, ever treated badly because of my weight. One boyfriend had told me he didn't find me as attractive as he used to because of the extra weight, but I knew he was a dick anyway. I've been blessed to have such wonderful people around me who don't give a shit how I look (and who don't feel the need to offer "helpful" suggestions about losing weight).


So this book....it was a freakin' page-turner. I loved everything about it. It was funny, dirty, illicit, and I adored the heroine. Her weight wasn't a focus, just another characteristic--as important as her hair color or her height.

I think that book really began my reluctant (and definitely ongoing) acceptance of myself. This girl was no different than me in size...why doesn't she care as much? She's stylish and sexual and hot, because she KNOWS she is. It was so, so, so refreshing.

And I began to realize....maybe there *are* men who can stand this body. Or even, who prefer it.




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Day 16

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

My cell phone.

Don't like that I carry it everywhere, don't like talking on it, don't like that I feel lost without it. I never really wanted one but got one because it seemed a convenient thing to have, and I hardly used it for awhile. I gave the number out, but asked everyone to call me on my land line because I didn't like so many things about talking on the cell: its shape (I like a phone that decently conforms to one's head, dammit!), that it got hot after a short time of talking on it, that the numbers were so tiny and easily mis-dialed, that there wasn't a simple, one-handed "recharging station" like there is for cordless phones. There's no cradle, in other words.

It's something that I could definitely live without, but I can't.

But I really want to.




But I can't.

:(

Day 15

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I went without dairy for two weeks in 2001, due to intestinal issues.

It was the most tasteless two weeks of my life. NOTHING was good. I tried fake parmesan on my pasta, plain hamburgers at McDonald's...just anything to try and jazz up my diet.

I also had to go sugar-free, so that made it pretty miserable too, but I've done the no sugar thing before, and I can handle it.

And I could probably go no-dairy...with one major exception.



I gots to have the cheese.



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Day 14

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Wow. This one sounds really sad.

Plus...I don't have too many "heroes" aside from my parents. I admire so many people, but they're human to me. Mom and Dad have ever, ever been my heroes, and neither have done a thing to let me down in so dramatic a fashion that I'd feel the need to write a letter. And even if I felt they had at one point, I've *always* realized, later in life, that what they did was only because they loved me and could see what I couldn't.

Okay, so maybe...a role model? Or someone I idealized? And I'm not writing a letter.

Jan Czechowski, my adviser in the theatre department. I think he really disliked me by the time I graduated.

Mr. Butz. Really liked you, favorite teacher. Why you wanna go and delete me off Facebook and still have other former students as friends? Why why why?



Okay, seriously, I've been staring at this for fifteen minutes and I can't come up with any more. I'm sure there are tons! I am an extremely negative person! WTH is wrong with me??

Oh well, that's all for now.

Day 13

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Bands or Artists,

I don't turn to you to get me through "tough ass days." Nothing comforts me like the Girls (Blanche, Lorelai, Dorothy, Sophia, Rory, Sookie, and Rose). I would never turn on music if I had the opportunity to play those DVDs.

Thank you and good day.

~g

P.S. Okay, I suppose "Thank You For Being a Friend" and "Where You Lead" counts as music.

Day 12

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Ha! This is kind of 'feel-sorry-for-meeeeee,' isn't it?

With the fantastic people I surround myself with, I don't know if there's much I *never* get complimented on. Which puts the last question into a whole new perspective for me....when looking at it now, I do get called funny, and smart, and nice, and interesting...and rarely enough so that it makes me feel really special when I do. That's why I limit the amount of effort I spend primping myself...if I wore makeup/jewelry/fancy clothes every day, that's how I'd be perceived all the time...and I want to make an impression when I get gussied up. I work with people who paint on their faces every morning...who meticulously pick out their wardrobe and look stunning on a daily basis. And it's totally expected of them. If they came in one day looking frumpy and un-made-up, people would ask them if they're not feeling well. I guess I want the freedom to look like crap and not be questioned. :) (Although, attending Grinnell for four years was an exercise in how frumpy one could look at all times.)

So...something I never get complimented on. This is hard, because I have an ironclad memory. So I'm looking at my fingernails: "No, the nail ladies at the manicure place before my wedding said they were pretty"...my back: "No, that one skeevy guy in college (Shannon: Joe M.) who rubbed it at every chance said it looked strong...my feet: "No, that girl Melissa from when I worked at the university in 2001 said they looked tiny" et cetera, et cetera.

Got it! Got it. Nothing against hairy girls, but I like the fact that I don't have much hair on my arms, eyebrows, legs, and I'll stop right there. What hair I do have is fairly light-colored, and I don't have to pay much attention to overgrowth (except for, you know, normal areas in the shower. I am trying not to get too personal here). While I've gotten complimented on my nice complexion and smooth-after-shaving skin, no one has ever said "Man, your arm hair is really sparse and blond. Nice!"

But you know, I *have* felt people's arm-skin when they don't have any hair there naturally, and that is pretty amazing-feeling. So maybe it's because I'm kind of halfway between hairy and hairless there that it doesn't get noticed much.



This was a weird entry.


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