Lent for an Agnostic

I am uncomfortable with religion, for the most part. I'm not uncomfortable around religious people, as long as they don't try and get me to ride their crazy train (kidding! kidding)...in fact, I am absolutely fascinated with what people believe and why they believe it and what interesting variances their religion has from others, and learning about their practices. But when it comes to practices IN practice, I shy away like a skitterish pony from a rotten-looking kid. I don't really know why; it's almost like I feel like it'll taint me or something. I think I need to loosen up a bit.

{This is a really big cross I like to laugh at whenever we drive to Ohio.

It's in Effingham, Illinois. It's an Effing Big Cross.}

It's kind of ironic, because I am completely religious when it comes to things like Christmas, the magic of autumn, feeling my mother's presence, and the love between my husband and I. I'm not churchy religious (obvs), I'm just....traditionalist. I am filled with a glad spirit. I feel like something more is happening other than what my eyes can see.

Anyway, I've decided I'm going to do some different things for Lent this year. I think it's one of Christianity's few good ideas, and even though I'm doing it for the betterment of myself instead of sacrificing for Jesus or whatever, I'm betting not every Christian vows to cut out full-fat milk for forty days just so the Man upstairs will like them better.

I'm not approaching this year's Lent as a 'cut this or that out' endeavor, necessarily. Instead, I'm going to try and reclaim some habits that have fallen by the wayside and that need some renewing.



I've heard it takes 21 days to form a new habit. And I haven't had the time, or the motivation, to adopt nearly ANY of my New Year's Resolutions this last month and a half...so this is a renewal of sorts. And I figure, 40 days isn't that long, right? And by the time it's done, we're into Spring!



1. Drink 8 glasses (that's SIXTY-FOUR OUNCES!!) of water a day. I do this some days, but it's easy to slip and have half my 64-oz. jug of water left over by the time I go to bed.



2. Read one library book a week. This is, of course, a pleasure, but I haven't been making time for it. And I think it's an important part of my days: help keeps me sane, allows me to get lost in another world for a little while...



3. Try the NYTX daily. For awhile I was religious about this, back when the Java applet actually worked on our computer. Now it doesn't, and I don't get to play the timed game against the other subscribers. But I can still work them crosswords in Across Lite, and by gum, I'm-a gonna.



4. Never go to bed with clothes out in the bedroom. (i.e., not hung up, put away, or in the hamper.)

5. Use the Water-Pik EVERY DAMNED NIGHT. And brush TWICE a day.



6. As for exercise....this is tricky. Because I know myself far too well. I almost don't want to put anything in here about it, because I know I'll fail. My life, albeit crazy-busy, is timed out perfectly these days, and I like it:



Mondays: Jeff City job, 7:15-5:45, Stephens work, 5:45-8:45, bed @ 9-9:30.

Tuesdays: Jeff City job, 7:15-5:45, Home to make/eat dinner, Idol 7-9, bed.

Wednesdays: (see Tuesdays)

Thursdays: Jeff City job, 7:15-5:45, Stephens work, 5:45-7:45, home for dinner & Office, bed.

Fridays: Jeff City job, 7:15-5:45, home for dinner, collapsing, Inside Date Night.

Saturdays: Stephens work, 9-5, stop by Dad's/home for dinner, errands, bed.

Sundays: Stephens work, 9-5, stop by Dad's/home for dinner (Saturdays and Sundays often switch between the two), clip coupons from the week, bed.



I just don't see where I could put a half hour of exercise, even around the house, and not go absolutely nuts. I know I need to...my jeans complain daily to remind me. But I don't even have time these days to watch one of my guilty-pleasure shows (and yeah, I would totally exercise while watching them if I could do it in private, like shut myself up in our bedroom, but I'm not comfortable with exercising in front of anyone...I even felt self-conscious on the TreadClimb at the ARC, with totally normal old people all around who didn't care. And I can't watch the DVR'd shows in our bedroom.) Lunch hour is another option, I guess. But the thought of giving up my only free hour, which I usually use to read or play word games, makes me depressed. Jeff City is not exactly the most pleasant town to walk around in, and our "gym area" at work consists of, like, a weight bench and one Nautilus machine.

They do say exercise will improve your mood, though. I don't know. I just don't know.



I should just try it one day, one nice day, to see how it goes. I could walk up to the capitol building and back, and find out once and for all if that big hill will kill me as much as I suspect it would. Maybe that should be my resolve: to just try it once. I could do that. And sneak in 30 minutes here and there when I can.



(I suppose I could also get up at 5:00 every morning and watch a show on the DVR while hopping around. Would the downstairs neighbor hate that, though? More importantly, I would never, ever get up at 5:00 in the morning.)

So I've covered intellectual improvement, home improvement, dental health, and a nudge in the direction of physical fitness. Dietary's the hard one. It's been rough going these days....sometimes, food is the only thing that'll cheer us up! I'm wondering if I should try something like...

7.
Eat at least one salad a week for dinner.
Don't eat either dairy or sugar at least one day a week, all day.
Grilled/baked chicken for dinner at least one day a week.
Only one meal out a week.
Don't buy anything especially indulgent (i.e., doughnuts or Big Reese's Cups).
No fried foods.
No non-diet soda.

It's complicated, I know. But I have to take baby steps!



Okay. Ash Wednesday is the 25th. I'd love to approach that date and have already begun to adopt some of these habits. We'll see...


I think I need a planner for all this planning. I am so bad at keeping up with planners. I really want to be better. Maybe another item should be "keep up with a planner for 40 days."

Kind of crabby.

I don't know why, but I've been annoyed lately. Not at the general public or anything; no, my annoyance is focused on a few specific people. I don't really know what brought it on. Nothing had changed recently with them.

I think it may have to do with reconnecting with other friends, those where the relationship is way more 'give-and-take' than one-sided, and it's making me realize how frustrating it is to be in a place where I'm not getting anything out of the friendship no matter how much I give to it. Conversely, I'm sure I've treated others this way myself--not realizing that *I* am taking up an awful lot of the friendship-room talking about my own problems and not taking the time to make sure the other person needs some attention, too. It would be an easy trap to fall into.

For a while, after I moved back to Columbia especially (after New York), it was hard for me to make friends. I found myself in the most familiar place in the world, but it had changed. I couldn't just call up Jamie and be like "Hey doodles, let's hang just like we did five years ago!" I was working and meeting people there, but I didn't really like anyone enough to spend time with them socially, and they felt the same way. It wasn't a big deal, I thought; things would turn around, and for the time being, I could spend more time with the family. I lived alone, for the first time, and I could do things like watch any show I wanted! Dawson's Effing Creek! I could make pita and hummus and leave the tub open to double-dip from!

After the better part of a year, I did start to find my footing socially again, and had a fine time with a group of folks I'd known forever. It was one of those summers you look back on and smile thinking about. I've only had a few of those, and they almost always involve Maplewood Barn Community Theatre.

Okay, if I don't stop this, I'm going to turn this into an "ah-the-old-times" entry, and no one wants that. (Okay, *I* do. I am way nostalgic. But not right now.) My point is--and this sounds terrible, kind of, but I was kind of desperate for friends there for a little while. I'm not Miss Social Butterfly, so I had to wait for people to 'discover' me, and along the way, I think I didn't realize how much I was depending on people who probably shouldn't have been made to have that responsibility. I wanted much more from our friendship than they were willing to give--not that they were terrible people. Just that I was a bit lost, and grasping for friendship-straws wherever I could get them. And now, I'm kind of realizing how it's REALLY been throughout these years.

I guess it's lately, through new friendships at work and through FB, that I'm getting to see just how good I had it....how unselfishly fabulous my best friend at Grinnell is, how I connect absolutely perfectly, on just about every level, with my best friend from high school. I'm loving having these friendships back. I am so grateful to have another chance with them. I love my current friends, absolutely, and don't want to take them for granted...but sometimes, I wonder how I could have let those past ones go. And if I can learn to let go, just a bit, of the unhealthy ones that remain.

I feel like I'm being a downer, but I actually just cheered myself up writing this.

Okay, I'm going to change the subject.

February is a quarter gone! My least favorite month ever, and we've had like three days of 70-degree weather so far. I have two days off in the next week and a half, and one of those is a REAL day off, can you believe it? My adorable father sent me an e-mail invite to go to Nelson-Atkins, my favorite museum, on Presidents' Day! I haven't seen the remodel yet, and I do miss my Cloisters. I wish I could bring a book and sit in that area all day.

Neil and I have one more hump, next week, and then we'll start talking about what's in store for us. I don't know if this will mean an end in sight for me and my ever-busy schedule, and to be honest, it's okay if it doesn't. My schedule is tough right now, but life has gotten much easier to deal with.

However, my mother-in-law Meme is in the hospital, which is the one dark spot in this brightening time, and it's torture to get little snippets of news here and there via Facebook updates and phone calls--I know there's no other way to really do it, but it just makes me worry, and I am so, so, so tired of that emotion. It's an absolute waste, isn't it? My heart leaps into my throat every time I log on and see Neil's brother Mark's update as "Mark is worried about his mom," but I can't begrudge him for speaking his mind. I just think, after so many events have caused our families to plunge into "worry," why focus on it so much? It's just going to get us closer to a heart attack--or so it feels. (Plus, I might be in a unique situation--since I'm at work most of the time, every time I see a FB update that concerns me, I'm sometimes not in a place where I can immediately find out if something terrible has happened.)

I suppose it goes hand in hand with 'prayer,' doesn't it? Does 'prayer' eliminate worry, or exacerbate it? I always thought it was a hopeful thing--whenever people say "I'm praying for you/your mom/Meme," it feels like a warm thought, like they're making an effort to put in a good word with their god, on my behalf. Even though I inevitably don't share their beliefs, I am touched that they would go to the trouble, and any good thoughts can only help, right? If people are worrying about something, and they pray for/about it, does the worry leave? Does it stay the same? (I'm not really asking to find an answer--I know it's probably different for everybody. But since my in-laws are prayerful folks, maybe they're *not* dealing with worry the same way Neil and I are.)

Anyway.

I've found that, for the first time in my life, I'm having to organize way more than I ever did before. I have to almost choreograph my days in order to get everything done that needs doing. Last night after work, and after we had dinner, I wanted to pop back out again and run the errands that had been building up all week that I hadn't had time to do. It was about 62 degrees outside, and I wanted to enjoy the niceness for a little bit more, before it's gone forever in the subzero hell that is February. So before I took off, I thought long and hard about what I needed to do. It was 7:00, and both Hobby Lobby and the ARC close at 8:00. Gerbes is open 24 hours, and I wasn't sure about the car wash. Since HobLob, ARC, and Gerbes are so close to each other, I checked those off within 45 minutes, and was able to get gas and go through the car wash right by our apartment, and was home a little after eight. All I *really* had wanted to do was go to Hobby Lobby, but looking ahead to the rest of my weekend and week, I knew the rest of the stuff would never get done, so I figured I'd tackle them all. And I'm so glad I did! Of course, it effing RAINED all night, so the car wash wasn't really necessary, but mine was the only car in our lot this morning that was sparkling clean as opposed to pretty clean after the rain.

Tonight, I have a lot on my dry-erase board list: go to Dad's, clean the Water-Pik (nope, haven't done it yet!), clip coupons from several weeks' worth, and get a list together of supplies for cooky-making on Wednesday. I don't believe I can do this all in the four hours from when I get home until bedtime, especially since the Grammys are on (and despite my non-love of music in general, I cannot resist an awards show)...but I'm-a gonna try.

And that, folks, is a minutiae-filled blog entry. Wow.

Inconsequential things, mostly.

1. There are SEVEN calendars in my railroad cubicle. And I love them all for different reasons.

• 1: UglyDoll calendar from my darling brother Joe. 2: Vintage Harlequin poster, because I am an AMBASSADOR, people, that's right, an AMBASSADOR for them. 3: A spoof of the "Keep Calm and Carry On" graphic, a different statement for each month--this one gets a lot of attention. 4: A standard daily flip-calendar that I write my appointments and things on; very utilitarian. 5. A Page-A-Day Cute Overload...I love Page-A-Days, because it gives me a little thrill each morning. I'm not huuugely impressed with this one, but sometimes it's amusing. 6. A very large dry-erase calendar poster, hung on the cube wall behind me, with markers. And, 7. A standard monthly appointment book that's good to take to meetings. Roger got me the new Office calendar for Christmas, and I may have to fit that one in here too. It's kind of become a thing.
  

2. I posted a new meme today. It was exhausting. And I think some people who read this are WAY bigger movie buffs than I, so theirs would be much more entertaining. Anyway, here it is, on my other blog:

• http://justformeme.blogspot.com/

3. We're having an anti-Valentine's day Snack Day on Friday the 13th, and I have SUCH a good idea for it! I may even take photos so y'all can see!


4. Two words: Norman Gentle. On Idol. (that's 4, sorry.)


5. I'm really getting into the groove of this all-the-time-working-thing. My body's adjusting, the commute's no biggie, and I remembered a good way I can get more audiobooks for simply the cost of the blank cd's I'll burn them onto.

The way I'm figuring it is this: When I worked 20 hours, I had a *lot* of down-time...so 'working' was actually more of this annoying distracting thing I had to get done before getting into the real day. Working 40 hours, work begins to become more of my life, so I live for the down-times, since they're rarer. And Sunday nights suck hard, because I've just gotten USED to the down-time, and suddenly I have to give it up for five whole days (except, working for the state and all, it's usually four). Now, though, I don't normally have a day off. So little things become more precious--like getting to go home to watch "Idol," getting to sleep in an extra couple of hours on Saturday and Sunday, having Subway for dinner. And all THOSE things happen quite a lot--almost every day, there are little good things about that day. It's like I'm suddenly an optimistic person or something. Weird. (Oh, BUT, Lily said something so, so touching last night, even though it sounds back-handed...it's really not. She said "You know how you were before you got to be really sweet? That's how [this girl she talked to that day] was." I felt so good after she said that, because maybe it meant I've actually changed. I hope so. I really, really hope so.)


6. The people at my work laugh at everything I say! (In a good way, not in a mocking way.) I swear to god, I'm always a little stunned when something I observe (like how people should always flush twice after dropping a deuce in our bathroom, because skid marks are not okay for the next visitor to deal with) that isn't that funny, gets hearty laughs all 'round. I feel like a damned celebrity. I guess it's because I generally make friends with people who I think are hi-LAR-ious, and it's always a little harder to get hi-LAR-ious people to laugh. Higher standards, things like that. So when I'm with other, non-work friends, I don't often get the laugh I'm aiming for, and I have to try harder. Not with these folks though. They do a body good, seriously.

(I am not, however, saying my co-workers aren't funny...they totally are. They just also think I am!)


7. Steve was here this weekend. I love that kid. He makes me laugh til tears come out my belly button. And Joe left for Oberlin, which was sad, because I love that kid too. We are completely unstoppable at Password. I am serious.


8. In general...and I haven't been able to say this for a little bit...I'm doing all right. Happy, even. We are going to be just fine, and eventually things are going to be better in terms of family issues and financial issues, but there was a time there when every day was pretty dang dark. I wasn't really sure when, or if, they'd get better...but it's only been a few weeks, and they are. (It definitely helps that I found Diet Sunkist Sparkling Lemonade at Wal-Mart. We have now stocked up and have six 12-packs on deck. We both love it so much. I have trouble finding a diet caffeinated soda that I like, because I dislike both Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper, and can only barely stand diet colas. I was thrilled to find out Sunkist had caffeine, but diet orange soda DOES get old after drinking it every morning. And Sunkist Sparkling Lemonade is my FAVORITE DRINK! The Diet doesn't taste very much different even!)


9. And finally, pumelos are thriving. How I do love a good pumelo.

I have something to say.

That sounds so solemn, doesn't it? I don't mean it to...I really do just have something to say today, as opposed to NOT having something to say (which has kinda been the case for these past few weeks).





Anyway, this is another meandering, purposeless post, even though I *have* intentions. It's been quite a rollercoaster of a month. I always despise January-February (despite great events like Idol's beginning, Valentine's Day, the OSCARS [!!!!!!!], and even the Superbowl), and all through December I kept thinking "Ugh, JANUARY'S coming. Ugh." And then it began...and I was surprisingly jaunty. I had all these things I wanted to tackle, and Neil was on his way home from Ohio, and I was actually happy!





Then, we encountered a major obstacle, and we've been working on recovering from that. Because of this, there hasn't been quite a normal day since January 5th--although every day isn't terrible, or anything. In fact, most of the time, my heart is warmed being surrounded by so many loving friends and family members. It's during times of trial that they come out of the woodwork wanting to offer a shoulder, lend an ear, or give advice, and it brings tears to my eyes to be blessed with such wonderful folks. So thank you:





Lily...I love how you check on me and are so loyal.


Pops...you're the first one I call, for anything good or bad.


Joe...your quiet affection and concern touches me deeply.


Steve...thanks for making me laugh so hard, even through tears, while still expressing how much family means to you.


Roger...a constant, and you've such a knack for calling exactly when I need you!


Lindsay...I love that I can just be myself around you...I feel like our friendship, though based on something years old, is new and different. Yet you can still make me laugh constantly, as you always have done, and I NEED that now!


Betsy...I am, time and time again, touched by your presence and your enthusiasm for our renewed friendship. Your advice and "virtual check-ups" mean so much to me!


Suzy...a true gift of a friend. You've saved me from tears more than once.


Emily...you know what you mean to me. I love you always.


Shannon...what an unexpected and wonderful gift, having you back in my life...a happiness I am thriving on these days...thank you for coming on this here blog to see me from afar. :)


Brandy...who can NOT be joyfully happy in your presence? No one, that's who...


Sarah I....a sweetheart beyond compare. Seeing me every day might prove to be a trial on others' patience, but your smiling face is one that never falters, every morning.


Sarah M....you deserve sainthood, Miss Miller, for all you do for me. Let's just leave it at that...


Mel & Stef...what a treasure you two are! I have come to terms with SO MUCH during our brief sessions...thank you so.


Paul & Stacy...you continue to be inspirational, loving, and gosh DANG did I get lucky with my in-laws...!


Becca....you make me smile so often, and in this gloomy month, nothing is needed more than that. Love you, my brand-new niece!


Mama...I have 'talked' with you many an evening lately, wondering if things will get better, or asking what I need to do to help us along. I feel your presence every day.





and my Neil...through good days and bad, you never let much time pass between "I love you"s and smiles...and your patience with me while I figure out how to keep my sanity is unparalleled. A couple of ladies mentioned above tell me that in these times of trial, it's destined that we're together, to lean on one another instead of having to go through life alone. I couldn't agree more. I love you more than anything I've ever known.





Okay...wow, that was too serious. Let's lighten the mood!





A few of the Lambson-family blog owners have been pondering their careers, what could have been, etc., and I didn't even think about doing the same since I'm so happy where I am now.





But I think it's a neat activity, so just for kicks, here's five careers I could have done at one point...





1. Stage manager (college major, did work for pro theatre companies in the capacity)...then, after a particularly harrowing summer at Arrow Rock (every time my once-broken thumb is stiff, I'm reminded how much I hate that place), I threw in the towel. But it's one of the few jobs in theatre where there are always positions open! Thankless as hell, and at $200 a week, who's complaining? (ME!)





2. Editor (assistant, etc)...NYU's Summer Publishing Institute was my foot in the door for this, and I was kinda on my way, but I saw how far $22K for a starting gig would get you in the big city, and I elected to go back to Columbia and prep for law school. I absolutely miss NYC, and wonder if I made the right decision...if given the chance to live anywhere near it, I'd jump at it. (Of course that also applies to Seattle, or San Diego, or San Fran, or Charleston, or Bath, or...)





3. Proofreader...again, another position I feasibly could have landed via my contacts through NYU. No one else wants to do it, and I thrive on catching errors. Without a journalism major, it's tough to get started in this career--but I still hold out hope for a freelance opportunity someday.





4. Lawyer (but three months of school was all I could handle). I just don't think that way. I don't think that's a good thing or a bad thing...I read cases like short stories, and when I disagreed with the precedent, it was hard for me to accept that I had no choice but to use them as an argument.





5. Children's/Teen librarian. Unfortunately, the ONLY courses at MU that focus on either of these areas are by the Worst Professor Ever. One of the reasons I wanted to transfer to UIUC was to take their myriad of wonderful courses on these subjects. Of course, I would never be able to act out Story Time. Never.





...followed by five DREAM jobs...





1. Entertainment lawyer (two law schools would have been GREAT for this, neither of which I even applied for; one in NYC, one in California). I *might* have even done well if I were passionate about the material!





2. Book preservationist (But you have to go to Curator school, or be an apprentice)...the best tours I've ever been on were through the preservation labs of the Bodleian library last May and the Archives' department just a couple of weeks ago. I would so thrive on sitting down with an old varnished map, taking a q-tip with an approved solution, and slowly, methodically, tediously cleaning every millimeter.





3. Children's Book committee member (i.e., Mark Twain, Caldecott, Newbery, etc). I have peers who do this, but they've all worked as Children's librarians--I think it would be really tough to be chosen if you haven't done that.





4. School counselor. Summers off? Scheduling kids' classes? Helping Lindsay, Emily, & Genny figure out the trials of high-school friendship? What's not to love?





5. Stage actor. I know, totally cliche. And I don't know how good I'd be at the whole same-show-every-night-for-years gig, nor having none of my nights free. But I can't compare anything to the excitement of being in a show. It's a shame I'm not that good at it. :)

All right, I'm outie. Thanks for tuning in!

P.S. This is on my desktop at work....cute, right?

Resolutions 2.0

Okay, so since last week knocked us for a loop, I need to revise my resolutions a bit.

I should probably just go for a total re-haul.

1. Begin Weight Watchers; stick with the plan for a full month.

Financially, this is a luxury, so it's going on the back burner for the moment. Once I figure out a more exact budget, though, I want to eat healthier (i.e., ground turkey instead of beef, yogurt for breakfast, etc). It's tough for me not to go to food for comfort, especially in the face of difficulties, but things look brighter every day, and I know the darkness of life-at-the-moment won't last forever. Neil's on board as well, so I won't be going it alone.

2. Join the ARC, or work out at home at least 3 times a week.

Again, this is perhaps an expense better delayed. I got a Body Ball and will try that out soon. Otherwise, I still want to get up the motivation to exercise at home for 30 minutes or so per day; it's the 'feeling up to it' part that's been lacking lately.

3. Write out all thank-you notes; send out with photos.

I have a little box prepared with all the fixings, which I haven't started yet. I'm trying to decide if I should incorporate a photo into the card or just stick one in at the end; I think it would be way cuter to craft a card around a photo.

4. Work out Pensacola trip with Neil & family.

Not going to happen. The University doesn't need Dad for the Spring semester, so though it's a sacrifice to not go to Florida, he's very happy to not have work obligations this term!

5. Read/return at least one DBRL book every other week.

I'm currently 1/3 through with Forever in Blue, and wish I could have four hours to blissfully read it to the end.

6. Work on clearing apartment clutter (books, kitchen, fridge).

Again, other needs have pushed themselves to the forefront, though this is a no-cost resolution that would feel great to make progress on. I have thrown out a barely-used sack of Flaxseed Flour from the fridge, if that counts.

7. Purchase desktop PC/set up wireless internet.

Probably a no-go for a while. Although maybe we should ask Joe to help set up our wireless before he goes back to frigid Ohio.

8. Use restaurant.com coupons.

Again, more of a luxury. But it seems such a shame to waste them!

9. Clear Hotmail inbox regularly.

This, I can do. That thing fills up so freaking quick!

10. Complete work training; become comfortable with ref duty.

My first day of reference was last Wednesday; I'm feeling more comfortable even now. Our little group of librarians is such a community that everyone asks everyone else about their ref questions, so I don't feel like such a noob doing the same.

11. Begin 30,000-mile tune-ups for Corolla.

Achhh...really, really should do this. Wow. I'm already coming up on 3,000 miles after just one month! Such is the life of a commuter, I guess. (OH...and Neil went to Ohio in that car! I almost forgot. Thank goodness!)

12. Minor things: keep up with DVR recordings; keep up with EWs.

I was down to under 50% while Neil was out of town! This hasn't happened since the first week we had the machine! Now it's back up to past 80%. As for EWs, I'm purging a few a week.

13. Purge/clip old magazines.

Major back burner here, but I'd like a crappy-weather-Sunday to devote to this.

14. Floss regularly, or use WaterPik. Visit the dentist!

I am busting out my Pik to-NIGHT! I'm making it part of my nightly bathroom bedtime ritual, which right now consists of nothing more than swish mouthwash, twirl hair into a claw, and wash hands.

15. Use my spare time for good, and not evil.

I've been doing all right so far. :)

16. E-mail friends more regularly, and with substance--and more promptly. I love writing; why don't I make more time for it?

I'm afraid with my new, crazier work schedule, that this will go by the wayside. I really don't like rushing through letters; I like to devote as much time as I want to each one, instead of grabbing ten minutes to shoot Linds/Betsy/Mel a note or whatever. Maybe I should take one lunch hour a week and instead of decompressing through WordTwist, see how writing works for a relaxant...

17. Keep my relationship with Neil open, strong, loving, and healthy.

We've been through a tough week, and we're better for it. I'm confident our support system will maintain through all life has to throw at us.

18. Be a good or better friend.

I'm so maddeningly general, aren't I?

19. Pay off some of our debt.

Wellll...this may not be a goal for the near future, but I'm not giving up on it for the year. I'll see what I can do on a very strict budget!

20. Quit Sprint!

I need to make this leap, especially since my phone dies if you tap it gently in the wrong spot. And now it's not giving me my voicemails. Lovely!


New resolves:

21. Draw out a budget plan with revised finances

Not knowing where we stand every month makes my stomach curl into knots, and I don't want to live that way right now. I've never lived with a strict budget before, and I look forward to the challenge of it. It may even make me adopt better habits for a more financially secure future, since I've never been fantastic with money.

22. Keep up the 8-hour-a-night habit

I'm loving feeling tired at 9:00 and not sleeping in much past 8:00 on the weekends. My body's adjusting so well to my new schedule; I have ever been a night owl, and I was worried that with this brand-new full-time commitment, I'd spend each day at work trying to wake myself up for eight hours.

23. Mercilessly coupon-clip, but don't buy things I won't use, just because I have a coupon.

It's exhilarating finding a fantastic deal at the store--like when a package of lunch meat is on sale for $1.00 and I have a 50-cents off coupon that's doubled. Free!

An easy meme.

You don't even have to THINK for this one! Which I am certainly in the mood for.

I don't think anyone reads my Tag-blog, so I'm putting this here...

[found on Reviewer X, this adorable smartypants who reviews teen-lit on her blog]

Directions:

Type in "[your name] ... " followed by these terms, all in quotes, in Google search (results in bold, my comments in regular typeface):

**there weren't any hard-and-fast rules listed, so I'm not necessarily choosing the first result if it doesn't make sense or is really dull.**

"...looks like"

"Genevieve looks like a freaking empress." Always, my darlings. Always.

"Genevieve looks like she is wearing a diaper !" Ach. Too many Holiday Pies, I spose.

(The others were lame, like "This is what Genevieve looks like in Japanese.")


"...says"

"And, as Genevieve says, she’s trying to provoke us." Again--ALWAYS.

(I did not choose "Genevieve says hi." Boring.)

"...wants"

"if genevieve wants to break into hollywood she will have to first change her accent totally" You don't think my voice is camera-ready? Fine, skank.

"Genevieve wants to return the favor now and so she presents Madeline with a perfume bottle that was given to her by Popo."

"...does"

"Genevieve does have a whiskey-like quality in the palate with a long, intense juniper finish." I'm not going to argue with that. I'm just saying--this isn't the first time someone's told me.

"bittersweet genevieve does it again... genevieve has done it again"

"...hates"

"Genevieve hates splashing" I mean...I don't LIKE being splashed. But I was never one of those girly-girls who 'ewwww'-ed every time a boy splashed 'em.

"I hear Geneviève hates kittens." I am allergic to cats and I don't like that they aren't friendly. This much is true. but no one hates KITTENS.

"...asks"

Eh, these are boring...

"Genevieve asks incredulously. 'Yeah, you just have to know how to play them.'"

"Genevieve asks, 'Are you going back to New York?'"

"...likes"

"Miss Genevieve likes to throw her food and drinks overboard when eating." I am such a princess.

"Genevieve likes to ensure her feet are bare before entering a house or starting a job." I DO like to take off my shoes first thing...

"...eats"

"Genevieve Eats Foot and Food" I definitely like eating feet, but please don't assume I eat something as weird as FOOD.

"Plus the fact that even if genevieve eats in class, she has the integrity to pay up. Unlike somebody who just doesn`t wants to pay that 50c." I pay that 50c EVERY TIME I eat in class. Every time!

"...wears"

"Genevieve wears a cute Rose Red Dress, that you can spin and light up when you press the button on her leg." That...THAT'S what this button does?!!

On her feet, Genevieve wears hand cobbled leather slippers. I wonder if they light up, too. It may explain the button on my pinkie toe.

"...was arrested for"

"[Genevieve was] ARRESTED FOR ELOPING" I didn't--I thought--eloping is legal, right? Why are you yelling at me?


"...loves"

"genevieve loves meeee" --Damn, this was seriously the best one on there. Disappointing. I was hoping for funnier. I chose not to go with the "Genevieve loves her new phone/camera phone/ipod" options, of which there were many.

Aaaand...

Life's back to suckage.

I do not doubt, however, that we'll physically get through this. I'm working for a reason, and when shit happens, we're more prepared than before. I am worried, though, about our sanity. It's hard for me to believe that life can be this difficult.


I read this off Dear Abby, and it applied so much to what we're facing, it was scary.


JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only just for today. And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.



I don't know if I'm ready, yet, to make any or all of these promises. But I want to, and I want to keep this up so that when we start to stand back up from the smack-down, I can do a better job of following this.